Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Bloggess

So, I know I probably shouldn't be advertising
other blogs. Or maybe I don't want to because
I like to believe that my blog is the greatest,
and that the only reason I don't have more readers
is because it is way too rad for most people
to grasp. So rad in fact, you might have been warned
that unless you are prepared for the sheer
awesome of my blog, your head might ASPLODE!

Ennnnyways, my friend Laura passed a little
email my way and brought my attention to a
lovely little blog that has become
my new obsession. This blog is basically how mine
would look if I weren't so worried about my
grandma coming across it. Seriously this woman
blogs how I think on a daily basis. I actually might set up
a fake blog full of kittens and rainbows and
direct my grandma there just so if I felt like talking
about felching (do not google that, even if you are
slightly curious about it. Your computer will never
be the same.) I could. But I won't. Or...will...I? dun dun dun..

She even posted about that lion riding horseback.
Dirty minds think alike.

If you aren't sure you want to check her blog out.
I will give you a preview, and then you should
check out her blog anyway, regardless of what your
instincts tell you. Cause your instincts are crap.

I also came up with another idea to re-purpose used breast-pumps to suck dead kittens inside out because then…TA DA!…fur-lined mittens for homeless people. I told Kregg about it and he was all “That’s…weird” and I’m all “It’s weird that no one’s ever thought of it before. Because no one wants dead kittens or used breast-pumps so this way we’d be keeping them both out of the landfills and helping the homeless. It’s practically carbon zero!” Then Kregg mentioned something about PETA and firebombs and I was all ”I’d only use kittens that were already dead from non-communicable diseases, Kregg. I wouldn’t just go around haphazardly turning live kittens inside out. I’m not a monster, for God’s sake” and frankly I’m a little insulted I even had to clarify that. I’m doing this to help the homeless. Not for my own personal kitten-mitten collection. We live in Texas, y’all. I don’t even need mittens.

And I will take you from dead kitten mittens to another
cartoon version of myself. Seriously, I really must
have cartoon features, cause it's just getting ridiculous.
And by ridiculous, I mean awesome.

Monica and Brandon showed me Soul Caliber last night.
And there is basically a character that looks like
what I might if I lose about 30 pounds. Enjoy.


Tess said...

Ha, I sent that post about fisting to Laura and she said she thought you might like it. Boy was she right. :) Yes, that blog is great.

Æxï§ said...

Hey! I'm following you! ;)

Laura said...

I was about to clarify that Tess really needs the credit for this amazing find but it appears that I don't have to. few. That's pretty amazing how much that soul caliber chick looks like you. But thank god you don't dress like that. And don't be thinking "well, if SHE can pull that outfit off, perhaps I should try." That's based off of a very faulty premise. In reality she does NOT pull it off. The only people who can wear that are super ugly people who are trying desperately to distract you from their face:

Teisha said...

Hey, whatever link you posted right there. It did not work.

When are you going to start a blog by the way? I'm getting tired of clicking on your name to see if a Laura blog exists. You can't stalk forever.

Tess said...

Hey, thanks Alexis! :)

Laura, you've made an excellent point about that premise being faulty. I didn't even notice what that girl was wearing, but now I'm all, "Oh, no she dih'nt!!!".

And Teisha, I'm with you about Laura needed to start a blog. I keep harassing her about it because it would so hilarious and awesome, but nothin' yet.

Laura said...

You have to copy and paste the address because I can't figure out how to put an actual link in the comments section. Actually, I didn't try. I'll try now but I hope to god this doesn't make me look foolish...

Alright I tried just then but it didn't work (some nonsense about broken tags that's total crap - it just can't handle my amazing html skills) but it's totally worth it to c&p the original address. Oh and you're wrong about me not being able to stalk forever. Quite wrong. And I just don't know about starting my own blog...I don't tell this to many people, but I'm real lazy. Even posting this comment is exerting too much effort. God I'm exhausted.

Maranda said...

That cartoon character does look like you. It's the red hair, the bangs, and high cheek bones. You look fabulous.

BTW are you doing the alumni dance? I couldn't make it to the first practice, but I am going to come to the next ones. My sisters taught me the dance last week. I hope to see you there.