Sunday, November 15, 2009


Again, another crazy month.

Things change so drastically and so quickly in my little world.
And I am seriously debating on deleting my facebook. It is
a huge source of anxiety and hurt. And of course I bottle it up.
So weird how a little social network can affect people's lives so much.

So, a few posts ago I was really happy. This one, not so much.
It's funny reading back on it. I was so reluctant to admit
to any kind happiness. And seriously, the day after I posted
that, things fell completely apart. I know it's coincidental,
but it really hit me hard. And I probably will never publicly
talk about my happiness again. Sad, but oh well.
I'm dealing. A lot better than I did last time.
Except for the drinking. I need to get a handle on that.

I do want to take the time to thank my friends who have
been so supportive to me. I really don't know what I would
do without you guys. I could imagine that my situation
and my life seems kind of juvenile. I really do feel like
I am in high school again. And it must be annoying to witness
it. But I cannot thank you enough.

Especially my Moose. She really kind of took the reigns
in making sure I don't beat myself up. These past
few weeks have been really hard. And she has been there
for me in what little way she could. And it's been huge to me.
Love you so much Moose!

It will get better though. I know it will. I don't give up on love ever.
It's one of the few things I'm really good at, and it's what
life is all about.

Monday, November 2, 2009


I am laying on my back, trying to write in my notebook.
I get back up, because my stupid pen will not let me write
in this postion.

I laid back, because I've been sitting in this position
for hours. Watching videos, playing on facebook. As I lay,
I feel better.

I stretch.

I take a moment to notice this different view.
I've never taken the time to notice before.

Upward. Onward.

I wish I didn't have a ceiling so I can keep looking.
The built-in cabinets are tall and almost have
a triangular shape, as opposed to their everyday rectangular

The mannequin heads that sit atop seem so far out of reach.
Almost taunting me.
'We are up here, and you're down there!' They cackle.
'Dirty peasant!'
The mini top-hats I made and adorned them with
only add to their pompous attitudes.

The giant glowing light fixture looks almost like the moon
tonight. Full and bright.
But the white ceiling takes away from it's potential.
How brilliant it might be if it only had the chance.

Why am I not outside enjoying the potential perspective
I might have? The gorgeous full moon, in all it's glory.

The opportunities I've surpassed are as vast as the
universe. And as tiny as a molecule, depending on any given day.

Depending on perspective.

And I can change it anytime I want.

And I will...