CRAP

Things got serious on this end of
the blogosphere for while there. And
to be honest, I'm a little emotionally
exhausted. So I need to lighten things up
a bit. For all of you who don't know,
the boys back in high school introduced
me to a genius little film called Moron Movies.
They were very low budget skits

filmed and grouped together by Len Cella to

form one long...well....moron movie.

Here are some clips.

I don't think this is a bad recording, I remember
the actual movie looking this crappy. It was
followed up by the highly anticipated
sequal called...wait for it.

More Moron Movies!

These were so hilarious, in a moronic way (did you catch that?)

Anyway, to all of you ladies out there who look
at my blog, and who have married any of my boys.
Please make sure to show them this post.
It is of extreme importance.

Dogshit Production Presents

CRAP

A Len Cella Film
For People With Pisspoor Upbringing

Here is the preview

(Surprisingly, there is some nudity in this clip
and the sound is way off)

I'm going to send Len Cella a check,

and we need to get together and watch it.

Who is with me?


Holy shit, Len Cella has a Myspace page and he is 71 years old.

Charter for Compassion

Okay, the responses to my previous post
surprised me quite a bit. I generally have no
problem posting things that might offend
anyone. And most of you guys know that.
I'm pretty sure I have posted some offensive
things in the past, and most everyone just
shrugs and says 'Well, that's just Teisha.'
Not so much on the last one. For some reason
this is a real hot button topic to a lot
of people. And I'm really sorry, but it
made me extremely sad. I've wanted to post
this video for a while now, but I never thought
that anyone would be interested. But I think
that it is the perfect time to put it up.
There are so many intelligent people out there
who can put into words what I can't. I really hope
you watch it, as it is 20 minutes long. But I found
it completely beautiful what this woman says.
So please please watch it.

This title is gay!

There are some things that I come across on the internet
that I just have to share. This gentleman puts into
words what I can't on my own.
For those of you who are familiar to my blog,
you know who's blog you are reading. Those of you
who are new, I have some strong opinions about topics
that you might not agree with. I also have what
some religious types would call a 'blasphemous
sense of humor' So don't read it if you are
easily offended. Man, I'm done putting up disclaimers
folks. This is my goddamn blog!


To those to of you who haven’t read Ender’s Game by Orson Scott card, warning: two spoilers follow.
Spoiler 1: Your childhood was incomplete.
Spoiler 2: You know that part where Ender fights that kid Bonzo in the showers and kicks him so hard in the nuts that he kills him?
Well, Card basically did the same thing to logic and decency last week when he tried to convince the American Citizens in his thrall (myself once among them) to invoke their right of revolution and overthrow the government to stop gay marriage from being legalized.
That’s right, people. The Mormon guy who wrote all those books about the innocence of a child winning out over war and hatred wants us to raise arms against any queers who feel like expressing their love legally. I mean, I understand a devout Mormon having some issues with gayness, but when your brain tells you that it’s an important enough issue to divide the country in a bloody coup, it’s time to get a new brain.

I’m sure there’ll be a whole cavalcade of comments following this post pointing out the merits of homosexuality, its moral deficiency in the eyes of God, and stuff about boobies touching and wieners in butts. So I figured, rather than try to pre-emptively defuse the situation like I usually do, I’ll just say to hell with it and let you know how I really feel. If you totally disagree, feel free to comment, we can agree to disagree, and you can come back in a few days and read something funny I wrote about a celebrity pooping themselves.

HOW I REALLY FEEL:
Orson Scott Card, you are—and I say this with the reservation of someone who read Speaker for the Dead and wept on a city bus—the worst. I will never buy or read your books again, and I am withdrawing my membership from the Card Superfriends Fan Team and Party Brigade (Sorry, Chet and Dale).

The Mormon’s I’ve known (all lovely people) have always been particularly impervious to logic, but it’s all I’ve got so here I go. Mr. Card, you are as evil, and will one day be as reviled by any sane individual, as an 18th-century slave owner.

Let me explain. Throughout the history of America, and indeed in the course of any developing culture, the universal historical trend (with some notable, but temporary deviances) has been towards expanding rights for an expanding number of people. Women couldn’t vote, now they can. Blacks were treated like pack animals, now they get to live in the inner city and some of them own nice cars. The point is, PROGRESS.

There is no question, absolutely none at all, that you are fighting a battle you can’t win. In a hundred years, flamboyant gay guys will be getting married in fabulous dresses on your grave, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

But worse, when that day finally comes, you will be classed with all those others who stood in the way of expanding rights and humanity: the Ku Klux Klan, Apartheid, the anonymous boardroom of fat men arguing about which secretary has the best ass. And if there’s any justice, even though I’ve no doubt you could fire off a response to this post that would be perfectly eloquent and arresting (in fact, you totally should…my hits would go through the roof), your work will be read only as a curiosity, a way to peek into the mind of a caveman. Or else by lovers of great fiction, who will have to read them, set them down, shrug, and say “well, that was super good, even if the guy was a Neanderthal Nazi.”

And really, what the hell does it matter to you if two hot lesbians want to settle down and be respectable (which isn’t the way I like my hot lesbians either, believe me)? Until such a time as they bring down your property values with raging lesbian drug orgies, you’ve got nothing legitimate to complain about, and even then, I’ll trade houses with you.

Nothing to complain about, that is, besides the so called “degradation” of the Biblical standard of marriage. Upon what are you basing that? A passage or two saying that God hates gays? You know, there’s also a lot of passages about stoning your children to death for disobedience, but I don’t see you cleaning your guns on that account.

Clearly you have taken it upon yourself to prioritize certain portions of the Bible. I am forced to ask then, why in the world would you choose to prioritize the relatively tiny portion about hating and oppressing your fellow men and women, instead of giving precedence to the mountain of passages espousing the virtues of love and compassion for all of God’s children? Or at least the hilarious parts about people having sex with gold statues (Ezekiel 16:17 NIV)?

What would Jesus do? If you can answer that question with anything other than “shower the world with endless love and understanding, then flip a wicked ollie on a flaming skateboard,” then you and I have a very different understanding of the man.

So get with fucking program and stop masking your own personal homophobia as a religious issue. It’s not. It’s a nothing issue that shouldn’t even be a question, and yet has been allowed to dominate the political landscape at a time when thousands of deaths around the world are crying out to be addressed.

You’ve spent your life imagining diverse races and cultures, and doing a hell of a good job. Yet your inability to imagine true love manifesting between two members of the same sex almost classifies you as retarded in my mind. It’s not even a moral issue. You’re just an idiot to me.

And not just an idiot. I’ve seen you in person, Orson. You’re fat. And rich. How about working on some of those deadly sins before throwing the first stone?

I know it’s pointless to ask you to change your mind; bigots armed with the intransigence of religion are rarely swayed. But hopefully some of those reading this post will be forewarned that Orson Scott Card has become a poison-spouting lunatic.

And in the interest of providing yet another argument for gay marriage being a non-issue, as well as some modicum of comedy, here’s a list of the gayest things about heterosexual marriage:
-It expects everyone to dress well and be on time.
-It involves a lot of lace, and at the end the guy cries sometimes.
-Unless something’s gone terribly wrong, no one is pregnant.
-Those tiny sausages they sometimes serve.
-There’s a big foofy cake, like the gays are always having.
-Unless I’m sorely mistaken, God’s got no problem with it.


credit to Cracked

Guess what time it is?

....It's inspirational quote time.
My dear friend Heather seems to be in a funk.And generally I think quotes are pretty cheesy, but I think some are in order.Instead of posting them in her comments, I figure I will post them here for everyone to enjoy.

If you are not the lead sled dog, the world looks pretty much the same every day.

Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring and because it has fresh peaches in it.

Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.

Life isn't all beer and skittles.

I like life. It's something to do. Somewhere on this globe every 10 seconds there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Life is a cement trampoline.

Life is a progress from want to want, not from enjoyment to enjoyment.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

All I want is a little more than I'll ever get.

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

Defunkification complete.

Way to Normal

I'm super excited! The new Ben Folds album is
coming out September 30. There are two
singles out, and they sound so great.

I was listening to the first single - Hiroshima,
and the tune sounded vaguely familiar.


(Wow, I just previewed the post to see that the video no

longer works, but the song still does.)

He played it at the show in SLC, but I recognized it
from something else. And then I realized a
while back I had posted a funny video of
Ben improvising a song from some dude
yelling incoherently in the audience.

Here's the video again.


I just thought it was pretty cool.
I wonder how the guy feels to know that he
inspired the tune to his new single.
Although the song talks about a completely different
experience. About Ben falling off the stage in Hiroshima.

Here's the other single, You Don't Know Me.
I already love this song, cause I'm also a fan
of Regina Spektor. This is a retarded video,
but it has the new song.



So anyway, I'm sure none of you interested.
But you should be, cause Ben rocks!

I'm really behind on my blogging, I still nee to post

about Millcreek with the homies. I'll

get to it eventually.

This....is American Idol!

I don't know why I was so reluctant to post this
one. It is a little embarassing, as people
probably assume that I think I have a great
voice in order to audition for American
Idol. This is not the case. I think my
voice is okay, but I got some wonderful encouragement
from one particular person (sorry Bill, you are
being mentioned). He had a lot of confidence in
me, more so than I had in myself. But the main
reason I chose to go was for the experience.
How often does such amazing opportunites
come to Salt Lake. Also, I think this will
be a record for the longest post, so please
bear with me.

So the day started off pretty early.
Everyone was told to be at the Energy Solutions
Center at 5:00 am. Which meant I had to be up
at 3:00 am to get ready and drive down there.
I can't remember the last time I was up that early.
They said that people can't camp out, but
by the looks of things when we got there at
5 am on the dot, that rule didn't stick.

The view in front of us

The view behind

Needless to say, there were cameras everywhere.
There was every local morning news show there.
And a ton of official American Idol camera crews
and photographers.

I was kind of amazed and a little sad at how these people
knew how to find some more of the goofy people out there.
Not the people who are out for attention, but

people that think they are great but really are not.
I felt bad for the kid in the pic above, because

he thought it was the coolest thing to be interviewed
by the American Idol crew, but I'm sure he will be made
fun of if he makes it on tv. I encouraged him and told him
he gave a great interview.

I was right by the inside barrier so there was plenty of cameras
wandering. Bill was trying his best to hide from them,
but I think it was really difficult. There was quite
a commotion when Justin Guarini was wandering around
doing interviews. After he was done, the girls around
me were screaming for him, so he walked right in front
of me to get pictures with the fans.

I was literally ducking and dodging flashes left and right,
trying to stay out of everyones pictures. A girl grabbed my
camera and asked if I wanted a picture. Sure, why not.

We were in that line probably until 9:00. We finally started to move.
and just as we were getting close to the entrance, they decided
to have everyone do an about face and move toward a different
entrance. This meant that the end of the line was now the
front, and we were the back. We were probably in the line
for another hour and a half until we made it inside.

The view from my seats

When we walked into our sections, the crowd was
being led by a producer in our groups songs.
When you register, you are given two songs you
need to memorize. A song for the city, and then
there is one song for the entire season that every city will sing.

Our city song was Aint No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye,
and the season song was Get Ready by The Temptations.
If I never hear these songs again, it will be
way too effin soon.



After the songs, Ryan Seacrest came out and did some
promotionional stuff for the show with the audience.

Ryan Seacrest talking to a baby.

They had him do a few different things,
and you know how he starts all the shows.
'This...is American Idol!'



At one point, he decided say something about
Salt Lake City being called Happy Valley.
And everyone was trying to tell them they were
wrong. So we'll see if they use that one.

After all of this is done, it's about 12:00.
They finally get to the actual auditions.
Now, what a lot of people don't realize is
you don't actually audition in front of
Randy, Paula and Simon. This audition is
for a chance to audition in front of them.
What happens is they set up a bunch of
tables in the center of the arena, with a bunch
of producers at each table. Then they line you
up in fours, and you basically get about 15
seconds to impress them. If they don't like you,
they cut off your wristband, and send you straight
outside, where you cannot go back in. If they like
you, they give you a golden ticket and send you to sign
a bunch of release forms, and inform you when you
get to audition for the 3 judges. It's rumored that
will be in September.

Here is a picture of the chaos that ensued.

They started the auditions with the pregnant section
(yes, I was just as surprised to hear there was a whole
section of pregnant women) and it worked it's way around the
arena. I was lucky enough to only be one section away,
so I only had to wait about an hour and a half to audition.

Just a side note here - you could sometimes actually
hear some of the people singing. As I saw about
1500 people auditon before me, I saw only about
25-30 people get golden tickets. This was
extremely discouraging to watch, as I could hear
some of these amazing people singing, and getting
turned down.

So it was my turn, and I was getting a little
anxious. I had decided on a small section of a song.
I was told that they preferred upbeat, which was not
my strength. I'm more of a ballad person, or at least
I think I sound better that way.

Waiting to audition, and freaking out.

As I get closer to the table, I decide to
go with an upbeat song, and just try to have fun.
As I'm watching others auditons up close,
the producers are asking them 'What's your name,
and which song will you be singing?'
So when I get up to the table, I'm the first to
go. I ask her how she's doing, she says good.
And she just stares at me. I ask, 'Should I just
go?' And she kind of scoffs and says yeah.
I sing about 15 seconds, and I will say
my nerves got the best of me, and my voice cracked
the first few notes.

Here I am singing


Already, she isn't even looking at me.
She's just looking around. She tells me to stop, and the
other 3 in my group go. Without a moments thought,
she asks all of us up to the table and says,
'All of you did a great job, but unfortunately this
is the end of the road for you.' So, they cut off
my wristband and sent me packing.

If I could take back the last 30 minutes of the
whole experience, I could say it was a blast.
But it was a bit of a downer to see
how little interest these producers had in what
they were doing. I'm not saying I deserved to make it,
I'm just saying they made it less fun. In the end, I think I
would have had a better shot with Paula, Randy and Simon.
They seemed a lot less brutal compared to those awful
producers.

Preview post

Since I don't have internet at home anymore,
I have to do all my posting at work.
I did not have any time to do the post I wanted,
so I just figure I'll give a little preview of what's
to come.

See if you can guess . I think there
are some hints in the picture.





I will see some of you guys tomorrow.