Smeisha

Evaporated

2010-06-13T21:04:00.001-07:00

Guilty

2010-05-15T20:52:00.001-07:00

I decided to take a little gander at your blogs for the first time in a while. I felt a little guilty that I haven't updated here in a while. I've been managing 2 other blogs, and even those I'm not keeping up on as much as I should.

Things have been swell. Even though I lost my full and part time job, I am still pretty lucky that I'm still with Vin. And he is just damn cool. Even though I'm sure it's challenging for him to put up with me (I am extremely co-dependant). It's been strange to be in a pretty balanced relationship, compared to my last. I kind of forgot about enjoying my time with another person without having to worry about everything I said and did. He has been extremely supportive, and has helped me more than I would like to admit.

I'm still trying to get my shit together as far as a job. I never thought I would get to the point again where having a full time job would be extremely appealing. I seriously wake up and wish I had work. I'm feeling pretty damn useless. I would really love to get my Etsy shop up and running again. But unfortunately I need money for supplies and fees that I just don't have right now. But I am still keeping folders of ideas. I'm not giving up yet.

Anyway, that's my little gay update. If you want specifics, feel free to check my other blog dedicated to my Vin. You and Meme

Update...finally

2010-01-21T19:40:00.000-08:00

I guess it was probably a bad idea to leave the blog on such
a negative note for so long. Since a lot of you know things have changed
again.

Vin and I started dating again. And things are much better this
time. Actually completely wonderful. I'm sure a lot of you who
who are on facebook have seen my posts and relationship status.
And some of you have actually gotten to meet him.

We are together, and extremely happy. We are pretty big dorks.
I won't be here updating much more. I created a new blog
about us. And you are more than welcome to take a look.

Although I will warn you, it is extremely cheesy :)

You and Meme

So...yeah

2009-11-15T13:29:00.000-08:00

Again, another crazy month.

Things change so drastically and so quickly in my little world.
And I am seriously debating on deleting my facebook. It is
a huge source of anxiety and hurt. And of course I bottle it up.
So weird how a little social network can affect people's lives so much.

So, a few posts ago I was really happy. This one, not so much.
It's funny reading back on it. I was so reluctant to admit
to any kind happiness. And seriously, the day after I posted
that, things fell completely apart. I know it's coincidental,
but it really hit me hard. And I probably will never publicly
talk about my happiness again. Sad, but oh well.
I'm dealing. A lot better than I did last time.
Except for the drinking. I need to get a handle on that.

I do want to take the time to thank my friends who have
been so supportive to me. I really don't know what I would
do without you guys. I could imagine that my situation
and my life seems kind of juvenile. I really do feel like
I am in high school again. And it must be annoying to witness
it. But I cannot thank you enough.

Especially my Moose. She really kind of took the reigns
in making sure I don't beat myself up. These past
few weeks have been really hard. And she has been there
for me in what little way she could. And it's been huge to me.
Love you so much Moose!

It will get better though. I know it will. I don't give up on love ever.
It's one of the few things I'm really good at, and it's what

life is all about.

Perspective

2009-11-02T21:25:00.001-08:00

I am laying on my back, trying to write in my notebook.
I get back up, because my stupid pen will not let me write
in this postion.

I laid back, because I've been sitting in this position
for hours. Watching videos, playing on facebook. As I lay,
I feel better.

I stretch.

I take a moment to notice this different view.
I've never taken the time to notice before.

Upward. Onward.

I wish I didn't have a ceiling so I can keep looking.
The built-in cabinets are tall and almost have
a triangular shape, as opposed to their everyday rectangular
design.

The mannequin heads that sit atop seem so far out of reach.
Almost taunting me.
'We are up here, and you're down there!' They cackle.
'Dirty peasant!'
The mini top-hats I made and adorned them with
only add to their pompous attitudes.

The giant glowing light fixture looks almost like the moon
tonight. Full and bright.
But the white ceiling takes away from it's potential.
How brilliant it might be if it only had the chance.

Why am I not outside enjoying the potential perspective
I might have? The gorgeous full moon, in all it's glory.

The opportunities I've surpassed are as vast as the
universe. And as tiny as a molecule, depending on any given day.

Depending on perspective.

And I can change it anytime I want.

And I will...

Consumed

2009-10-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to write much. I need to sit
down and write. Or even draw, or read. Make some
jewelry and get my shop running again.

But I am consumed right now. With grander things.

I would love to write every detail, but I still don't
want to make my account private. And there is
one particular person that doesn't deserve to know
anything about my life. At first it was because
I didn't want to hurt them. But after certain actions and heated words,
I just don't want them to know anything about me
or my life. And honestly things are going really good.

For once.

I'm not a superstitious kind of person, except when
it comes to my happiness. I need this right now.
I have been extremely unlucky in love. I let my guard
down and acknowledge it, suddenly it gets bad, or it
just goes away. And I don't want to ruin this one.

So for now, I am content. That's all I will say.

A Love Story

2009-09-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't been single since high school. And since then I've dated and loved some of the most amazing men (and some not so amazing men) with whom I shared amazing years, take your breath away special moments, and built memories, some I thought would last forever.

They didn't.

I am single, at this moment, tonight, by choice. I ended my last relationship in July, after being asked politely to leave a year before that. And the past 2 months have taken me on a journey that at first I went on, kicking and screaming, crying and fighting. I didn't want to be single, you see. I wasn't supposed to be. I've had a particularly rough 2 months, filled with some wonderful dates, and some horrible dates, wasted makeup, multiple teary nights after which I told myself NO MORE DATING. Me? I am the worlds BEST girlfriend, I thought. I have so much love to give! What am I going to do with all of it? Why is the universe just letting it go to waste?

It was one of those moments...lightbulb, kick in the ass, whatever. Maybe I was wasting it on those who were undeserving. What if instead, I channeled all that love into...myself??

I stuck to it. My love story is one of turning inward...and learning to love myself, on my own. I used to depend on my significant other for so much, and I'm talking about way more than late night runs to bring me ice cream. My self worth, my identity, was always wrapped up completely in whomever I was dating. I'm still a work in progress and of course I get lonely, and miss having a chest to rest my head on at night. It's in those moments where I remember now doesn't mean it's going to be forever.

Have you ever felt your heart getting stronger or seen your identity emerge with a force you've never known? I am so different...and I love it. I have had so much time alone to think...to work on myself and figure out what exactly I need from my next, and hopefully last, partner.

I love being in love, you guys. I'm good at it. I truly believe that it is out there for me, again. HE is. I believe that if I had settled, or stayed or forgave yet again, sure I might be part of a couple, an "us", but I wouldn't be happy. I would always wonder...about myself, and about him.

Life leads us on so many different journeys, takes us places we never expected to go. I believe my love story began when I broke free of those expectations and let go...instead of wanting what I didn't have, I began appreciating every single thing I DO have....all the love being literally showered on me by family, friends,...and I began to love them back with the same vengeance and fierceness.

With that said, I can't wait to meet HIM. Now, when I meet someone I am willing to invest in, I don't forget who I am, what I have learned in the past year and a half, the things you have helped me see. My self worth, my identity will never be dependent on anyone. I will never stop loving myself, because as I've told so many friends before and finally decided to take my own advice...How can anyone truly love you when you don't completely love yourself?

They can't.

So Mr. Wonderful, whomever you maybe...I certainly hope you are working on yourself as much as I am, I can't wait to meet you, one day. Some day. No rush. My favorite ice cream is cookies and cream, just in case you are, by any chance, swinging by Albertsons. Until then, I'll get it on my own. :) See you soon...

....

2009-08-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

Girl afraid
Where do his intentions lay?
Or does he even have any?

She says he never really looks at me
I give him every opportunity
In the room downstairs
He sat and stared
In the room downstairs
He sat and stared
I'll never make that mistake again

Boy afraid
Prudence never pays
And everything she wants costs money

But he doesn't even like me
And I know because he said so
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
In the room downstairs
She sat and stared
I'll never make that mistake again

Regret

2009-08-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a very quick post. Because I am at work, and I'm
supposed to be working. I have moved again recently. And so I am
without computer access at home. It has been...interesting.
So my etsy account is not going to be updated for a while.
Although I have lost quite a bit of motivation to make things
recently and I am without a camera. Oh my, so much has changed
and so much has happened this past month. Because of this it
seems like a year has passed. It has been quite the roller coaster,
and everyday it seems my emotions are everywhere.

There is much to tell, and yet I can't tell it. It's
quite frustrating. One of the reasons I haven't been posting
lately is because of my struggle with my personal life
being too public. I like the idea of anyone being able
to take a peek at my little life. But I am reluctant to
post anything too personal. And I really want to be personal
and specific. I like being able to look back at this blog,
and know exactly where I was and how I was feeling. I have a
terrible memory, and I know being too general will
only make things fuzzier. So then there is the question of making it
private. Something I have been trying to avoid. I guess
when the time comes, and I am ready to talk about everything
I will make the decision. But until then, I won't be
updating very much.

You could just drop dead! That'll show em'

2009-07-19T13:44:00.000-07:00

...I don't wanna.

I couldn't think of a title, so there you have it.

As you have noticed, I am not keeping up on my blog.
This social networking think is kicking my butt, and
has made me loathe the internet. I spend all day at
work on the computer, and then I come home and spend
all night on the internet. Trying to make sure my
etsy site gets seen, while still trying not to spam
the hell out of everyone. It is quite the challenge,
and it's getting to me. I am an extremely social
person, and I crave human contact. So spending all
this time socializing on the internet is making me
feel quite isolated. I'm even having a hard time
motivating myself to make things, because I know all the
time I'm going to have to spend listing the items and
promoting them. I have tried hard to keep it to a minimum
on facebook for the sake of my friends. But if you follow
me on twitter, you are screwed.

I have been trying to get out more, although I don't have a
lot of people to get out with. So I hit the vintage stores by myself,
and go to movies by myself. Just to still feel connected to
the outside world. I have been going dancing quite a bit,
just to get my blood flowing and I think it might actually
be helping me lose weight. Which is wonderful, since I
gained a ton of weight after I stopped going to the club.
I still go to Area 51. I've officially been going to
Area for 10 years. And I am starting to feel a little
old going there. But honestly, I don't care. They play
great music, and it just makes me feel good to get dressed
up and go sweat it out on the dance floor. There is no
better feeling right now then to just forget about all
of my stresses and let the music take over. That sounds
pretty gay, I know.

I hope you guys all know I am still reading all of your
blogs. I haven't been commenting because I can see you have
plenty of people saying the same thing I was going to
say. Congrats to all you baby makers who have popped
one out.

I don't really have any pictures to post or anything
like that. So, move on. Nothing to see here.

BLANKET!

2009-06-03T00:45:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to Newman

Blanket! (Snuggie parody) - watch more funny videos

SPAM

2009-05-16T23:00:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post about another photo shoot
I participated in with Kesli from Dedicated.
I really enjoy doing these, because Kesli's
themes push me to try new things.

The theme this time was Nautical Preppy Pinup

I was struggling with the theme, and I think
my interpretations were pretty literal.
But I still like the way they came out.
And I especially love how the photoshoot
turned out.

My red and white anchor necklace

You can't see it very well, but she is wearing my navy and stars bow headband.

My favorite sailor hat with hand sewn polka dot brooch and yellow and white beaded ribbon necklace.

I really love the clothes in this editorial and I wish I could pull

off any of these outfits.

The rest of the photos are over at Dedicated Follower of Fashion

And again all photos are credited to Kelsi Smith

Catching Up

2009-05-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

So I have been really avoiding posting lately. I have had
no motivation at all. But I figured I might as well
post some stuff, as I'm sure you are all tired of being
spammed with my jewelry stuff (more to come by the way).

So first off. My dad is huge into snowmobiling. He has been
doing it since I can remember. He took me and my sister I think
when I was 10. And I have not been invited on an expedition
since. I always complained, and asked him why. Still, 19 years
later, my dad claims it was because my sister and I complained
too much about the cold. Mind you I was 10 and my sister was
probably 8. Generally two little girls are going to complain
about the cold. So one particular weekend I had tried to
go to Vegas. And some drama ensued with some friends that
made it so I couldn't go. I think my dad saw how upset I was
about the whole situation, and probably out of pity asked
if I wanted to go snowmobiling. Of course I said yes.

So I was regretting it when I had to be up by 6:30 on
a saturday. My dad and I headed up to I don't know where,
because I really don't pay attention to these things.
We listened to satellite radio on the way up.
The uncensored comedy station. And let me just tell you
My family really has no shame. We encouraged my grandma
to flash people in a limo we got her for her birthday.
But the comdey channel more than once made both of us
a little uncomfortable with it's content. Some things a
father and daughter should not be laughing about because
it's true.

Anyway, we had to sit at a grocery store for about 45 minutes
for the group to get there. Still listening to the comedy
channel. When we finally got to the destination, I was
equipped with some things that I can't remember what
they were called, because it's been too long.

This little device is supposed to help me in case there is
an avalanche. I believe it is supposed to help locate me.
Needless to say I didn't get one of these when I was little,
and it freaked me out a bit. So after they equipped me with this,
they all cracked a beer, and got on their sleds (yikes).

As we get started, I must tell you my dad it pretty crazy.
He first told me there are two rules: hang on, and hang on.
I laughed it off. But for real, I was hanging on for dear life.
I was hanging on to my dad with my arms, and clinging to the seat
with my inner thighs. These things can go fucking fast.

After about 10 minutes of riding, this happens:

Beer break.

We hang out, eat jerky and drink. I did not drink at all, because
I did not want to attempt to take off that whole jumpsuit
to pop a squat in the snow. I determined to not take a pee.

We rode for probably another 20 minutes and then:

Another beer/wine/whatever is in that flask break.
Which freaked me out, because a competition started.

You see this giant, steep hill? And do you see that tiny speck.
Well the speck is a snowmobile? And they needed to see who could
ride the highest. It was crazy to watch, and of course my dad
had to be a part of it.

This is the person that won. But I can't remember who that was.
There were these rad little tins that you could hook to the inside
of the engine. And you would put sausages or ham inside and the
engine would cook them. They were deliscious.

The day went on, and we lost a few people a few times.
A few people got stuck, and it was pretty hilarious.
As the day progressed, I was encouraged to take a sled
out by myself. I was reluctant at first, but I relented.
And it was really difficult. It takes a lot of technique,
and a whole hell of a lot of muscle. But I did like it.
I felt pretty rad, and pretty tough. And I wasn't even drunk,
because of the pee thing.

My dad was riding with his buddy Jeff on bitch. When I caught up to them,
they had tipped the sled. I really wish I had gotten a picture.
It was pretty hilarious. Anyway, we had about a total of 6 beer
breaks. It was a beautiful day though. Not cold at all, in fact
it was a little hot with all of the layers I had on. I was EXTREMELY
sore the next day from hanging on. I would totally do it again
though, but only if I could wake up later, and if I had one of these:

Women, Now You Can...PEE STANDING UP! - Funny blooper videos are here

Also wanted to give a shout out to my mom. She really is
the coolest mom ever. She is always the life of the party
(just like me...) And if anyone wants to disagree, it will
end with a dance off and a punch to the face. Love you mom!

By the way, those are free drink tokens. And that is my mom's:
'Hey, I have free drinks coming to me, and you don't' - face.

I don't usually enjoy spring...

2009-04-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

...fashion.

I have always loathed pastels, and florals, and and shorts (yikes!)

I am a retro goth at heart.

But, something happened this year. I started really loving

florals. Like obsessing. I think it's because I'm spending so

much time on etsy. And it's hard not to be inspired by

it's whimsical nature. I still hate the shorts though.

A lovely lady I met on Twitter allowed me to express my

unusual passion for florals on her wonderful editorial

fashion shoot. And the results are so sugary sweet,

you'll get a goddamn cavity.

You have to enlarge the picture to really see it, but my pink ring
is in this one.

My Ivory Dahlia Headpiece is in this.

Lastly, she used my Dark Teal Floral Headband. And you can't
see them very well, but my Butterfly Headband is in there, and
my Ceramic Heart necklace is peeking out a little.

Thanks so much to Miss Kelsi of Stylesmith
for letting me participate in this lovely fashion shoot.
And I hope she will let me do more.

And please everyone go give Dedicated Followers of Fashion
some love. Where you can see the whole shoot, and links to
all of the wonderful etsy sellers who participated.

*All pictures are credited to Kelsi Smith,
so don't be a dick and go stealing them. Alright?*

Emo Post

2009-03-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

Man, I've never felt so exhausted. It's so confusing,
because I'm not doing anything. I'm working, and then
I come home and put on cartoons and make jewelry.
That's it. This routine does not constitute exhaustion.

The jewelry.

This is the first push I've made to actually create a
product and sell it. And it's dissapointing. I really
love my jewelry, and I would wear it all. But etsy is
filled to the brim with talented people. People who
do this full time, and do it better and faster than I do.
I really appreciate all of my friends who have been
supporting me, and buying from me. I really hope none
of you feel pressured when I complain on twitter, or
shamelessly plug on every site I have. Thank you guys.

But really, I probably wouldn't work so hard on it, or
stress about it if I had some sort of social life, or
romantic life. I don't. And it's getting depressing.
I feel like I've spent the last 9 months in my room.
I can honestly say I really have spent the last month
in my room.

I'm almost 30, and I'm watching cartoons in my parents
basement. Yikes...

It's getting harder to stop thinking along the lines of
what I should be doing, as opposed to what I want to do.
No strike that, those two things have become the same thing.

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't been commenting on your blogs.
It starts to get hard reading about pregnancies, and babies.
Wonderful husbands and anniversaries.
I guess I was going to post about snowmobiling with my
dad, and about the drill team alumni dance. I just don't
feel like it, ya know?

Man, I'm exhausted...

Sexy People

2009-03-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

I was going to post a ton today, but I feel like crap.
So this is all you get, but it's way better than
anything I was going to post anyway. This blog is
full of win.

I give you...Sexy People.

Sexy People

Peacock Necklace

2009-03-04T09:39:00.000-08:00

A lot of my posts are going to start revoloving
around jewelry. I am trying really hard to make
enough money that it would replace a second job.

I decided to challenge myself and see if I could
make a necklace that a retailer made. I saw one
on Urban Outfitters that I really liked and
decided to go for it.

Here is the necklace that's on their website.

And here is what I made.

I really liked the hammered pendant, but I couldn't find
one similar anywhere. It was not easy cutting the peacock
feathers. So they don't look as clean as the other one.
But I think I did a pretty decent job. The manufactured necklace
is being sold for 34.00, and I made it for about 10.00.
I decided to give it to my friend Tasha for when she
goes to Hawaii. But if anyone wants this necklace, or
if you like a particular necklace and want to challenge
me, just let me know. And I will try my best. I love doing it.

Also...this!

I love Cracked...and crack *twitch*

To those who are pregnant (which is basically all of you)

2009-03-03T20:37:00.001-08:00

This is just a small post, cause I came across
such a cute idea over at etsy. And I figured
all you walking ovaries could use some help.
Just because you are having babies, doesn't mean
you have to lose your sense of style.

Anyway, I came across this and thought it was super rad.
And there are a ton more sellers that specialize in just those covers.
So cute.

Custom Cases

Lacework

Leopard Glam (my favorite)

They are reasonably priced I think. So you know, get one!
You can thank me later. Oh, and feel free to link this to
your other friends who are in need of some stylish baby accessories.

As promised...

2009-02-27T00:13:00.000-08:00

Okay, so to start off. I sometimes forget that you
guys might not be interested in my messed up cartoons.
And generally, I might be posting stuff with your
hubbies in mind. So the video I posted is about
a death metal band. I remember back in high school,
some of the boys got into the whole metal thing.
It was pretty funny. I also remember some of them
calling me corpse, as in Cannibal Corpse. Apparently
because I was known to be awnry I guess. Anyway this
cartoon completely reminds me of that time. So I will
post a few more videos, and ya know, if you happen to be
living in the same house with one of my boys, pass it along.

Also, Laura was not impressed by the last post. So you
know...Laura, suck my balls.

Okay so, about the alumni dance. It has been extremely
stressful. I have not danced in about 8 years. And I
am really out of shape. So, it is seriously killing
me. I look terrible, and I honestly don't want anyone
to come. It has been fun seeing all the girls though.

And to Jess. Yes I did say i have something to post
about, but I can't remember what it was. I have really
been working hard on my necklaces. So I haven't
been as social lately. I will post a preview of some
of the jewelry I've been working on. But check back,
because I will be posting a couple on etsy tomorrow.

Just puttin' that out there...

2009-02-20T00:29:00.001-08:00

I have some other stuff to post about.

But I just have to say, I love this show. LOVE...IT!

Etsy

2009-02-08T21:48:00.000-08:00

So I've been really starting to make a push to
get some of my stuff online. I have all sorts of
hobbies, and I'm spending a ton of money and not
making any of it back.

So here is the start of some of the things I'm listing
on etsy. I still have plenty to list, but it is really
time consuming. I will be putting a widget on the
side of this blog so as I update it will show up there.

I am by no means trying to sell to any of you guys,
I just figured I would put up some of my stuff for
people to see. Also, I spend hours upon hours on
etsy looking at all the wonderful handmade items
that so many people are coming up with. It is
quite amazing and extremely inspirational.
If I had never come across this site, I wouldn't have
ever been motivated to attempt to make some things
that I knew I could'nt afford to buy myself.

I highly suggest taking a look around the whole website.

On another note, after reading a few posts

on Wil Wheaton's blog about his conversations

with his iTunes, I have actually found myself

having conversations with my iPod.

The conversations go like this:

iPod: Hey, here's some David Bowie. I know how much

you like him.

Me: Oh thanks, but I'm in my car. I need some

singin' music.

iPod: Oh I see, what about NIN?

Me: Umm, nope

iPod: Fiona?

Me: I can't sing that low right now.

iPod: Manson?

Me: Now you're just messin' with me.

iPod: Okay, maybe NIN?

Me: Still a no on the Nine Inch Nails buddy.

iPod: Okay how bout' now?

Me: Dammit iPod!

iPod: Hey it's not my fault you put so much NIN on me. I don't

have a whole lot to choose from.

Me: Just figure this shit out. Don't make me turn shuffle

off and find it myself.

iPod: Woah woah, don't get crazy now. How about

Tori Amos - Scarlet's Walk era.

Me: *sigh*...I guess that will do.

Check it out tonight!

2009-01-28T12:50:00.000-08:00

Try to find the black guy

The Salt Lake City episode of American Idol will
be on tonight. And some of you remember that
I auditioned (yes, I know that is gay).

Don't expect to see me at all on the show,
as the only time a camera passed by me it
was on a track going pretty fast. But,
do expect to see a girl with a ventriliquist
dummy. She was the talk of the whole day.

I will be really interested to see if I will
recognize anyone that I met there. A lot of
people were convinced that they would make it.
But it was the most difficult auditions I have
ever seen. Most of the judges were not interested
at all.

Anyway, just reminding you to check it out.

The Bloggess

2009-01-25T20:56:00.001-08:00

So, I know I probably shouldn't be advertising
other blogs. Or maybe I don't want to because
I like to believe that my blog is the greatest,
and that the only reason I don't have more readers
is because it is way too rad for most people
to grasp. So rad in fact, you might have been warned
that unless you are prepared for the sheer
awesome of my blog, your head might ASPLODE!

Ennnnyways, my friend Laura passed a little
email my way and brought my attention to a
lovely little blog that has become
my new obsession. This blog is basically how mine
would look if I weren't so worried about my
grandma coming across it. Seriously this woman
blogs how I think on a daily basis. I actually might set up
a fake blog full of kittens and rainbows and
direct my grandma there just so if I felt like talking
about felching (do not google that, even if you are
slightly curious about it. Your computer will never
be the same.) I could. But I won't. Or...will...I? dun dun dun..

She even posted about that lion riding horseback.
Dirty minds think alike.

If you aren't sure you want to check her blog out.
I will give you a preview, and then you should
check out her blog anyway, regardless of what your
instincts tell you. Cause your instincts are crap.

I also came up with another idea to re-purpose used breast-pumps to suck dead kittens inside out because then…TA DA!…fur-lined mittens for homeless people. I told Kregg about it and he was all “That’s…weird” and I’m all “It’s weird that no one’s ever thought of it before. Because no one wants dead kittens or used breast-pumps so this way we’d be keeping them both out of the landfills and helping the homeless. It’s practically carbon zero!” Then Kregg mentioned something about PETA and firebombs and I was all ”I’d only use kittens that were already dead from non-communicable diseases, Kregg. I wouldn’t just go around haphazardly turning live kittens inside out. I’m not a monster, for God’s sake” and frankly I’m a little insulted I even had to clarify that. I’m doing this to help the homeless. Not for my own personal kitten-mitten collection. We live in Texas, y’all. I don’t even need mittens.

And I will take you from dead kitten mittens to another
cartoon version of myself. Seriously, I really must
have cartoon features, cause it's just getting ridiculous.
And by ridiculous, I mean awesome.

Monica and Brandon showed me Soul Caliber last night.
And there is basically a character that looks like
what I might if I lose about 30 pounds. Enjoy.

Awesome

2009-01-19T13:25:00.000-08:00

I just have to document this, because I thought it
was the coolest thing ever.

I'm watching Family Guy last night (I love love love this show)
and suddenly I am surprised to see this little treat.

Did you see that? That is the book The God Delusion by the
author Richard Dawkins. One of the most respected scientists
and atheists in the world. And you see that Brian
(one of my cartoon crushes...yes I have cartoon crushes)
and someone else reaching for the same copy of said book.

As you pan out,

you can see that the other person reaching for the book
is what appears to be a cartoon version of myself.

...okay, well I would like to think so. But her name
is Carolyn. We find out in this episode that Brian is an
atheist, and he falls in love with the red headed atheist
named Carolyn. Unfortunately Caroline hooks up with Cleveland.
But if it were cartoon me, I totally would've stayed with
Brian. I just think that is completely hilarious.

If anyone wants to watch the full epsiode, here ya go.
The whole episode is full of win.

You might be too, you just don't know it yet.

2009-01-16T07:56:00.000-08:00

I am just letting you know that since everyone is pregnant

right now, I have decided that I will not be pregnant.

Some of you have been a little pushy,

'All the cool kids are doing it.'

Well, I don't respond to peer pressure, and I

generally don't like to be part of the trends.

I am a trendsetter...

That being said, getting pregnant is like so 2 years ago.

Congrats to all fiddy of you who are part of the pregnany trend.

"Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, "What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!"
Stephen Wright

Catchin' up.

2009-01-06T13:50:00.000-08:00

As I'm sure you all know, I have a hard time
posting anything that's time consuming because
I have to do it at work. So I am going to quickly
post some pictures of a few events from the
past months.

Here is Halloween this year. I was the Queen of Hearts.

And here are some random pics of me and my
soul sistah, Monica. I don't know how we haven't
been friends until now, because we have almost
everything in common (except for her love of
Cher and Justin Timberlake and my love for Billy Joel).
But luckily I have her now. Or at least until she has kids. She knows
I won't be friends with her when she has kids.

Here we are on New Years. She had an Old Hollywood theme party.
We don't usually get good pics of us together, cause we
are always goofing off. So you are seeing a rarity my friends.

I still have more pictures that I haven't even put on my
computer yet. And hopefully it won't be too long before
I post them.

It's almost over.

2008-12-23T15:05:00.001-08:00

Holy crap...two in one day.

I actually get Christmas Eve off for once,

so I won't have internet access.

And so I will wish you some happy holidays...blah blah blah.

Thundercats....

2008-12-23T09:42:00.000-08:00

HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Whoever made this is brilliant. Except Panthero was
obviously supposed to be a black dude. So get rid of
Vin Diesel and put in some Ving Rhames.
I bet we aren't that far away from a live action movie
of Thundercats since they've already done GI Joe
and Transformers. They are even making a CGI Smurfs.

It's Caturday!

2008-12-20T07:52:00.000-08:00

I can tell by the comments that people are
losing interest in mah blog. And that's okay,
cause it entertains me (and sometimes Jess) and
that is all that matters. I am still procrastinating
on posting personal stuff, because honestly,
I find it boring.

I feel it is my duty as an internet nerd (not a computer
nerd, there is a difference) to introduce some of you
to internet memes that have long since passed.
Okay, actually I am posting this because I find
it hilarious, but I will pretend that I am doing
you a favor. If you have never heard of the LOLcats
phenomenon, then you are missing out my friends.
But, no longer. It's Caturday! There are a lot,
so feel free to...laugh out loud...if you will.

*snicker*

Feel free to show your gratitude in my comments section.

7 Images Too Badass To Be Real (That Totally Are)

2008-12-17T11:15:00.000-08:00

I still need to post about Halloween, and a bunch of other stuff.
But, I laughed so hard at this article. And I figured I would
share. I'm sure none of you will enjoy it as much as I did.
And I don't care.
(hehe, that totally rhymed)

Here's a preview, in case you aren't sure if you want to click the
link below. You want to, seriously.

What the horse is thinking: Oh god! No fucking way is this actually happening! It has to be a nightmare. Wake up, Honeydew, please wake up!

It’s like every single AC/DC album cover came to life and punched your eyeballs right in the dick.

I was never the girl next door.

2008-12-12T15:28:00.000-08:00

"I was just myself. I didn't know any other way to be, or any other way to live."

Bettie Page 1923-2008

Sadness

Obamanation!!

2008-12-08T07:40:00.000-08:00

Just a quick video today. I still have stuff to post from
Halloween, but I just don't have time at work. I will be
focusing on getting a computer at home after Xmas.
Because I know you guys are all obsesses with my blog
and can't get enough....*cough*

I found this so hilarious. I adore Jack Black and I
think he is quite appropriate as Jesus. Enjoy... well
at least some of you will enjoy.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Thanksgiving Rick Roll

2008-11-28T08:16:00.000-08:00

I never watch the Macy's Thanksgiving parade.
Ever.

...but I missed the most epic moment.
Thank zombie jesus that we have youtube,
because I would have been truly sad if
I wasn't able to see this moment.

First off I love Foster's Home for Imaginary
Friends. It is truly one of the best kids cartoons
ever. Then...something amazing happened.

The most epic Rick Roll probably in the
history of rick rolling.

Rick Astley...Mr. Rick Roll himself showed up
on this rad float, and proceded to rick roll the entire country.

Bored geeks across the land probably uniformly pissed
themselves a little.

*I sometimes assume that everyone is an internet geek,

like myself. So, I forget that maybe some of you

have never been rickrolled, or haven't heard the term.

So here is a link in case you don't understand this.*

Rickrolling

Thanksgiving is know for getting together
with family and having a good meal.
I love Thanksgiving even more because
instead of a traditional meal, my grandma
makes us this:

Nothing better than homemade, authentic spaghetti
and meatballs. Throw in a little sausage and pork
and it is a feast for the ages. So delicious. My grandma makes
this for Thanksgiving every year. And hopefully
next year she is going to teach me. It is a two
day process, but I think I am up to the task.

On another subject. I went to see Ohgr for the first time this
last Wednesday. And I will say the show was
pretty cool. He is very theatrical. He came out
in an amazing costume, and I tried to get a picture
of it, but my camera was not having it.
Luckily, he stripped it off during the show, and
displayed it on side. So as everyone was
clearing out, I went and got a good picture.

I enjoyed the show, especially since there weren't
a ton of people there. Although I wish he would
have played more of the older stuff.

Here's a video. Be warned, somewhat creepy.

Oh and if anyone is curious to know why
I loathe Christmas, this article sums it up.

Yikes!

No...it can't be...not already!

2008-11-24T12:51:00.000-08:00

Every year, it gets worse. I try so hard to

avoid it. I try to put it in the back of my

mind. And then as I'm watching TV,

I hear those six words that form that

terrible sentence. The sentence that strikes

fear into my very soul.

'It's that time of year again!'

NOOOOOOOOO!

I'm not apologizing this time

2008-11-20T14:27:00.000-08:00

*Yes, I can't help myself.
I absolutely loved this article.

...hmmm...comments on or off...*

Democracy, Religion and Proposition 8

How can a free society reconcile the often competing values of democracy, religious liberty and the separation of church and state? This challenge was vividly illustrated by the recent controversy over California's Proposition 8, which forbade same-sex marriage.

In a democracy, the majority of citizens ordinarily may enact whatever laws they want. Some laws, however, are prohibited by the Constitution. For example, the majority of citizens may want a law denying African-Americans the right to vote or prohibiting Muslims from attending public schools, but such laws violate the Constitution.

Does Proposition 8 violate the Constitution? There are several arguments one might make for this position. One might argue that Proposition 8 discriminates against gays and lesbians in violation of the Equal Protection Clause. One might argue that Proposition 8 unconstitutionally limits the fundamental right to marry. One might argue that Proposition 8 violates the separation of church and state. It is this last argument that interests me.

Laws that violate the separation of church and state usually take one of two forms. Either they discriminate against certain religions ("Jews may not serve as jurors"), or they endorse particular religions ("school children must recite the Lord's Prayer"). Proposition 8 does not violate the principle of separation of church and state in either of these ways. It neither restricts religious freedom nor endorses religious expression.

What it does do, however, is to enact into law a particular religious belief. Indeed, despite invocations of tradition, morality and family values, it seems clear that the only honest explanation for Proposition 8 is religion. This is obvious not only from the extraordinary efforts undertaken by some religious groups to promote Proposition 8, but also from the very striking voting patterns revealed in the exit polls.

Proposition 8 was enacted by a vote of 52% to 48%. Those identifying themselves as Evangelicals, however, supported Proposition 8 by a margin of 81% to 19%, and those who say they attend church services weekly supported Proposition 8 by a vote of 84% to 16%. Non-Christians, by the way, opposed Proposition 8 by a margin 85% to 15% and those who do not attend church regularly opposed Proposition 8 by a vote of 83% to 17%.

What this tells us, quite strikingly, is that Proposition 8 was a highly successful effort of a particular religious group to conscript the power of the state to impose their religious beliefs on their fellow citizens, whether or not those citizens share those beliefs. This is a serious threat to a free society committed to the principle of separation of church and state.

The Framers of the American Constitution knew that throughout human history religious self-righteousness has caused intolerance, discrimination and injustice. They understood that religious self-righteousness is dangerous, divisive and destructive, and that it has led to untold ignorance and misery. It was for that reason that they embedded in our Constitution a fundamental commitment to the separation of church and state.

The Framers were not anti-religion. They understood that religion could help to nurture the public morality necessary to a self-governing society. But religion was to be fundamentally private. It was for the individual. It was not to intrude unduly into the political sphere.

But here's the rub: From a strictly legal perspective, it is next to impossible for courts to enforce the separation of church and state in the context of laws like Proposition 8. When a law does not directly restrict religious activity or expressly endorse religious expression, it is exceedingly difficult for courts to sort out the "real" motivations behind the law. As a consequence, courts are loath to invalidate laws on the ground that they enact a particular religious faith.

This does not end the inquiry, however. Courts also have difficulty in dealing with laws that do not expressly discriminate on the basis of race or religion or gender, but that were motivated by racial, religious or gender prejudice. But we know - as an essential part of our national character - that we as citizens should not support laws because they advance our discriminatory biases about race, religion, and gender. We know that it is un-American for us to enact laws because they implement our prejudices. We know that it is our responsibility to be tolerant, self-critical and introspective about our own values and beliefs and to strive to achieve our highest national aspirations.

The separation of church and state is one of those aspirations. Indeed, regardless of whether courts can intervene in this context, it is as un-American to violate the separation of church and state by using the power of the state to impose our religious beliefs on others as it is to use the power of the state to impose our discriminatory views of race, religion or gender on others.

This is the fundamental point that the religious advocates of Proposition 8 fail to comprehend. Like other citizens, they are free in our society to support laws because they believe those laws serve legitimate ends, including such values as tradition, general conceptions of morality, and family stability. But they are not free - not if they are to act as faithful American citizens - to impose their religious views on others. That is, quite simply, un-American.

This is not to say that individuals cannot attempt to persuade others freely to embrace and to act in accord with their religious beliefs. The First Amendment gives us virtually absolute protection to preach, proselytize and evangelize. But the fundamental point about religious liberty in the United States is that it is private. Christian Evangelicals have every right to try to persuade others to accept and abide by their beliefs. But they have no right - indeed, they violate the very spirit of the American Constitution - when they attempt to conscript the authority of the state to compel those who do not share their religious beliefs to act as if they do.

Time for a break

2008-11-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

I figure I would give you a break from
my seriousness, and post some of the
other things going on.
I completely skipped Halloween because
of my distractions. So I will post on that.

I have not been to a haunted house in
ages. Heather was extremely nice to attempt
to plan an outing for all the bloggers.
And after numerous emails, trying to
get a time and date to work for everyone
(seriously I think these emails spanned
a month, and more emails than I could
count), it ended up just being me and Heather.

We went to the haunted house at This is Place
State Park. I have never been up there, but it
was pretty cool. I unfortunately wore heels,
because Heather always complains about how
tall she is. So I wanted to make her feel better.
I regretted it shortly thereafter. It was an outdoor
haunted house and I was quite wobbly. This was only
made worse by Heather being quite the wuss, and as she
was scared, she proceeded to tear my arm off.
(I call you a wuss with the utmost amount
of respect and love my dear Heather)

The first house we went into was the best.
Only because Heather managed to scream at every
turn. I knew that Holly was the screamer, but
much to my delight, Heather was just as bad.
I caught on to this, and without her knowing at
first, I recorded her numerous screams.
Unfortunately, she found out, and I missed
the majority of the good ones in the beginning.
But here are two. (Heather thought she might
have gotten away with me not posting this.
Muahahahaha)

This was a surprisingly long trail. The place was
pretty amazing. There were tons of old houses and
mansions. We managed to spend a good half hour
in a tiny maze. I still don't know how we missed
the exit. And to top it all off, there was
a headless horseman riding horse back along
one of the trails. A real effing horse galloping
pretty damn fast. I managed to cuss extremely loud
when it came. Something a long the lines of
"HOLY SHIT! That's the coolest thing I've ever seen!"

We spent a good amount of time trying to figure out
how to take a picture of both of us together
(I think it was about 10 or so).

I also told Heather I would not post her funny face
picture. You see, Heather wants so badly to make
cute funny faces. She thinks for some reason I have mastered
this art (I do not know why). But I like Heather's funny
face in this one.

And, my advice Heather. Practice in the mirror.
Although some people are just born with funny faces (in my case)
Be extremely thankful that you were born with the kind
of face you can't practice. And that is a beautiful face.

Soooo Sappy! (but very true)

In the end, I was glad we still both went after
everyone managed to bail.

So I be written in the book of love.

2008-11-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

Maybe eventually I can get back to reporting on
the happenings of my life. But right now, my
life seems tiny and meaningless. If you do not

enjoy reading about these issues, please feel free to

take a break from my blog. Because honestly, this is what

consumes me in my life right now. And I use my blog

to write not only about what I do, but how I feel.

And this is me, take it or leave it.

I have spoken
quite a bit on this issue, and I probably sound
uniformed and possibly uneducated.
But there are people who come along and
take my breath away. Keith Olbermann has
managed to put into words what I could never
imagine to do on my own.

I encourage you not to read this.

2008-11-05T09:42:00.000-08:00

I have had a very hard time deciding if I should

post certain things because of my personal

opinions, especially knowing that most people

who read my blog generally disagree with me.

But, I have decided that this is my personal

blog, something I hope to look back on and

remember certain points in my life.

That being said, I am about to write some

very personal feelings. And I am going to

warn you, some of you might not like

what I am going to say.

Yesterday was an historic day for our

country. 40-60 years ago was an ugly time

for blacks and minorities in this country.

Segregation was the norm, and blacks were

allowed to entertain us, but not use the

same drinking fountain, eat in the same

restaurants, or sit by white people on

the bus. All of us are very aware of this point

in Unites States history. We are taught in school

how the black community banned together, and

some lost their lives, to fight discrimination and

segregation. Our government backed the idea

of a black individual being less of a person

than white individuals. A lot of our generation looks

back on this and we can't quite understand

how anyone could even think this way.

And yesterday our generation spoke loud and clear

about how we felt. We voted and elected an

African American as our president. And I

think we should be so proud as a nation that

we have gotten this far. As Obama gave his

speech, I was moved to tears.

But my pride turned to sorrow today as I got

the news that the majority of people in California

voted for Proposition 8. I also found out that the

Mormon church was 70% of the finances used to

help back this proposition. Surprising to me, knowing

that the Mormon religion had their own struggle with

people discriminating against them for their religious

beliefs. 70 million dollars total was spent to back a

proposition that encouraged discrimination. And I realize

we have another fight coming in this country.

We are at the same point we were, just with

a different group. We allow gays and lesbians

to entertain us. Ellen Degeneres, Will and Grace,

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. We listen to

musicians like Elton John, Judas

Priest, Michael Stipe of REM and Lou Reed.

And yet, we don't allow these people the same

rights that we've had since we were born.

This isn't about allowing people to be gay,

it's about accepting that they are. Acceptance.

There was a time when it was illegal for people

of different races to marry each other.

I know that had we not seen this as discrimination,

it would have affected a lot of people I know today.

People who have married mexican-americans,

latin-americans and asian-americans.

Think about all of your friends who have

interracial marriages and think how it would

affect them if they were told that they couldn't get married.

This Halloween weekend I was literally yelled

at by someone that I know my parents consider

family because of my views on gay marriage.

A simple discussion of politics turned to

anger and hatred. Homosexuality was compared

to pedophilia and bestiality. And it brought me to tears

that people still feel that much anger towards a

group of people, that are only asking to be treated

equally when choosing who they want to spend

their lives with. And isn't that what we are told

as children what America is all about? Equality?

It brought me to tears today to find out that

the majority of California, which is know to be culturally

ahead of the curve, is still stuck in this idea

of discrimination. The majority of blacks and

hispanics voted yes on prop 8. Surprising to me

that the same people who fought so hard

to be treated equally now get their chance

to discriminate.

I have tried my best to not judge anyone based on their beliefs.

But, this issue has really gotten to me. We as voters have

so much power. And it scares me to think that my life

could possibly be in the hands of people that hate who I am

or could be. I am so thankful that I live in a country that

is not allowed to discrimate against me for being a woman or an

atheist. Most places of business can be sued if they

discriminate against a person for their sexuality, and

yet that is exactly what the whole country is doing.

I hope that one day younger generations look back at us

and think to themselves how ignorant we once were.

And I hope more than anything that President Obama

looks back at his ancenstry, and puts a stop to this

kind of discrimination once and for all.

I will leave you, and this post, with a heartwarming

story (at least in my eyes) about a lesbian couple

Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin, who have been together

for 55 years! They were married in 2004 the first time they

legalized gay marriage until it was struck down.

And again in May of this year. These two women have spent

their lives fighting for the rights of gays and lesbians

since 1955. Everyone keeps talking about the sanctity

of marriage, when I believe our generation doesn't even take

marriage seriously. I know people my age who have been

divorced twice already. And for two women to last that

long, they deserve to be married. Unfortunately, Del Martin

passed away. And with Proposition 8 being passed, I believe

that will make their marriage void.

I sure as hell hope so!!!

2008-11-04T11:32:00.001-08:00

It's Halloween!!

2008-10-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

Yay, I love today so much. But I can
say I honestly stress myself out more than
most people do on Christmas. And that is
because of my costume. A simple store bought
costume is not enough. Even if I buy a
pre-packaged costume, I must accessorize the
hell out of it. And why do I stress so much
about my costume you ask. Well, because I love
to dress up. And as most of you saw in the
previous post, I will use any reason to dress up
outside of Halloween. Previous years I would
sometimes make 2-3 costumes, but this year because
of working so much, and not having a ton of
money, I only have one. I'm pretty sad about
it, because I had another idea for a costume.
But it will have to wait until next year.
So this post is dedicated to costumes.

I usually like to post the articles in my
blog, but I don't have time to put that together.
So links will have to be good enough.
And you must clink on the links.
I command it.

There are so many great costumes these days,
and so many options. I honestly don't remember
10 years ago having as many Halloween stores.
But this list show that even though we didn't
have a lot of variety in the past. There were
still plenty of shitty costumes to go around.

Worst Costumes of All Time

With the gift of the internet, we are able to see
some pretty horrible costumes from other parts
of the world. Oh man, Japan is crazy.

35 Most Insane Costumes from Around the World

And then there are the people that show up with the
most incredibly lame costumes that are sure to get
their asses handed to them. Sorry if any of you have
worn these.

20 Costumes That Will Earn You A Halloween Beating

I wanted to post some costumes from my childhood, but
I need to borrow them from my mom and scan them.
And I didn't have time. So I only have a few from
last year I think.

This picture has been photoshopped to hell.
And it's not really even a costume. I just dressed
up for Rocky Horror Picture Show.

And here I am as Marie Antoinette. That is my
real hair. I was a blond for a small period.
And I made the hat.

I think you guys should post some of your costumes.
Don't be lame.

Fetish Night

2008-10-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

These posts generally shouldn't be as long
as I make them. But I tend to overexplain,
assuming that most people don't understand
my fascinations. That they wouldn't make sense
unless there is background. I'm sure that I am
wrong, but I decided to explain anyways.

I have quite the obsession for hats, especially
vintage. For the longest time I would head to
some vintage shops (not the D.I. or Savers, these
are not vintage shops) and I spend all day
searching for some truly beautiful hats.
My favorites are generally from the 40's and
50's. Until I came upon Decades, I did not have the
best of luck finding these treasures.

After a while, my love of burlesque and pinup
brought me to a Miss Dita Von Teese.

She is the queen of modern burlesque, and her fashion
I wish more than anything I could emulate. But this sort of
style comes at a hefty price. I saw some pictures of her
with some amazing mini top hats.

I was determined to find one, and I looked online to see
what was available. I found some gorgeous handmade
hats, but they costed up to 200 dollars. As I looked around
some more, I found that a lot of people were making the
hats themselves for fairly cheap. They weren's as high
quality as I would like, but they were cute nonetheless.
So I headed to some craft stores, and I found top hats
made for dolls.

These were my first attempts. I have made more since
and gotten a lot better. I have also made quite
a few fascinators, which are a lot of fun to make,
and don't cost a lot.
My hats are extremely beginner, but it is a
fun hobby. I have been fortunate enough
to know a lot of people at Area 51. And they've
allowed me to set up a booth on fetish night
at no cost. I was going to go into a little
detail about fetish night and show some
pictures. But after showing my mom the pictures,
and then seeing her looks of disgust, I decided
against it.

The first time I set up there, I sold a good
amount of hats. This month, I had no luck and only sold
one fascinator. Here is my set up.

I even gave myself a business name and
made some cards. If anyone can guess what the name
is in reference to, you get a slap on the ass.

There was a girl who had bought one of my hats the first
time, and showed up this weekend wearing the hat again.
I was so excited, I took her picture with it on. She
looks so adorable with it on. It's not the best angle,
so you can't see the detail of the hat, but oh well.

I only have two pictures with me wearing the hats,
but I am hoping to get more soon. The first one
I'm just holding it, because it feel off.

I also took a lame picture of myself with my
vintage navy hat on. The theme for fetish night
was uniforms, so I made a shitty attempt at a
retro uniform. I fixed the hat up, and added
some feathers to it.

I hate taking pictures of myself, but I also hate asking
other people to take pictures of me.

After all of the research I've done, I have grown to
love millinery. And I wish we had a school available
in Salt Lake to teach it. I would love to learn how to form
hats, and understand the science of it. Maybe someday.

The most wonderful time of the year.

2008-10-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

So, ya know when you walk into a store?
And they have some Christmas music
playing overhead. There's the faint smell of
cinnamon and pine. The decorations are
everywhere and the lights are up. The trees
glowing with ornate glass bulbs. This is
all before or after the stress of shopping
of course. You breath a long sigh and think
how much you love this time of year.

Well, I walked into the Halloween store
the other day. And there was the faint smell
of fake blood. The skeleton display is
convulsing back and forth. The large
fake plastic torso looking quite
calm for having rats eating his entrails.
The Time Warp and the Monster Mash
playing overhead. I breathed a long
sigh, and smiled. This is my favorite time
of year. The only time where it's not just me
being completely morbid. Horror movies
are being played non-stop on TV. And all my
friends play dress up with me. Yes, my friends,
I absolutely love every minute of it.

So, until Halloween passes us by, I will be
dedicating my blog to all things gory, ghastly,
morbid, spooky and digusting.
I will be posting about some fond memories
of Halloweens past, and some of my favorite
things now. And I encourage you guys in
comments to share some of your favorite
things or post your own Halloween blogs.

To start things off, every year I head to
RetroCrush to re-read some great Halloween lists.
The 100 Scariest Movie Scenes of All Time.

They have some great youtube clips so you can actually
watch the scenes. To go along with that they also have
The 100 Greatest Horror Movie Performances and
The 20 Best Zombie Movies.
RetroCrush is a great site, and if you head into the archives,
there is a whole list of lists. I love horror movies, and
especially love the classics. I can't really get into the recent
horror films, as it's just more torture and gore than scares.
Since we are on the subject of movies, I wanted to
share some of my favorites.

Army of Darkness

This movie is just pure camp. And Bruce Campbell
is a B-movie god. Seriously, he is hilarious.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

This is just a classic as far as I'm concerned.
You have to watch this for Halloween. I used
to fall asleep to this movie every night.
The Corpse Bride is great too.

There are so many hilarious clips, it's hard to
pick just one. This is one of my favorite movies,
but it is essential for this time of year.

Night Watch

This is a Russian vampire movie...kinda.
It's hard to explain, but they use the subtitles
in the most creative way.

Pan's Labyrinth

This is such a beautiful movie, and also one
of the most depressing movies I've ever seen.
It is visually stunning, and very dark.

Event Horizon

I'm not going to post a clip, because most of the ones
I found are pretty gross. This movie scared the crap out of me
when I saw it. I went to see this in theaters by myself
in high school. Trent didn't want to see it with me, so
I just went. Holy crap it still scares me to this day.
The hell scene is terrifying

The Exorcist

I watched this movie by myself too when I was
in college. I was surprised that it didn't
scare me as much as I thought. But it is
definitely creepy. And a Halloween must.

Freaks

This film is from 1932, and it isn't exactly
scary as just really creepy. A lot of the people
used in this movie were actual circus freaks.

The Thing

I never had the desire to see this movie, but
I ran across it on TV, and it is pure genius.
It even has Wilford Brimley in it... pre-diabeetus.

Donnie Darko

This is such a great movie, and it is even
better for Halloween. I would love to have
a Frank costume.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

Oh my god, Tim Curry as a Frankenfurter is one
of my favorite things. Most people can't
stand this movie, but I adore it.

City of Lost Children

This is such a whimsical foreign movie,
and yet it is a little dark. I need to
watch it again.

Okay, I seriously could go on forever.
As you can tell, my taste goes outside of the horror
genre.I think the mood of the film reminds of
Halloween more than just gore.
Anyway, feel free to mention some of your
favorite movies to watch this time of year.

Thanks

2008-10-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to thank everyone for their

kind words of encouragement. I almost

deleted my previous post, because I get

a little embarassed showing that sort of

vulnerability. Especially when basically

anyone can see it. But I guess it became

a little too late. I am very lucky to have

you guys as my online pals, and I'm

even luckier that most of you aren't

too far away that we can't get together

(which by the way doesn't happen enough).

I also want to say thanks to everyone for accepting

me for who I am. I know that I am quite

liberal, and say a lot of things that you guys

don't agree with. But you have always made

me feel welcome.

As for life in general, I'm taking it one day at

a time. And I'm trying to gain some sort of

wisdom from all this. I'm trying to

understand that everyone has their own path,

and hopefully soon enough I will find mine.

So, now that I have gotten all that mushy,

emotional crap out of my system, I will go

back to my normal, sailor mouthed ways.

*monkey balls*

I can't think of a good title.

2008-10-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

I try very hard not to get incredibly

personal on this thing, as I think maybe
it's really gay. But I figure I want to look

back at this blog years from now, and
get a good sense of who I was.

And maybe I want to remember myself as more than
a sailor mouthed Ben Folds enthusiast.

So, I am going to be lame for the moment.

I am at the end of my 20's. And I will say my

early 20's were pretty rad. I didn't get
much accomplished, but I sure as hell had fun.

Probably too much fun, because I feel like I am
paying for that recklessness. I can say in
confidence that year 28 has been the worst
year of my life to date. And I hate saying
that, but it is the ugly truth. I am in no
way trying to get sympathy from anyone.
It's just a matter of fact. I had to put
my cat down, my main squeeze decided he has
had it with me for now after 5 years of dating.
I don't blame him, as I am no longer the same person

that he probably fell for. And since it is his families house, I had
to pack myself up and move out. And I feel
extremely pathetic because I have absolutely
nothing to show for my life except for a lot
of clothes, (and my clothes are a lot bigger in
size than they used to be, which adds to the depression)
Now, again, I am not saying these
things for you guys to feel bad for me, or say
that you are sorry. Because the position I am
in is my own fault.

These past few weeks have been an even bigger
struggle, because I don't know where to go from
here. Honestly, I didn't expect any of this.
I had always assumed I would be settled by now.
I am no further along than my 20 year old self.
In fact I feel like I am further behind, because
at least then I had nothing but possibilites.
And now I feel somewhat defeated.

I want so badly to be positive, and I am
trying. But things don't seem to be getting
any better. I guess I am just getting really
tired of thinking about my future, and I wish
I could just be. Ya know? It sucks looking at
everyone's little families growing, and people
being so happy and content. And thinking to
myself 'Why can't I have that?'
I've made a ton of mistakes, but I feel
like I deserve something. Maybe I'm wrong.

So I turned 29 in September, and I have
some pretty amazing shoes and a little
hope for things to work out with me and you.
But, holy shit...that hope is fading.
And I'm afraid I will be 30, and all
I will have is more amazing shoes.

Yikes...this was incredibly gay.

You Don't Know Me

2008-10-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

Dang it, that video got taken down fast.
How about this instead.

Also...read this.
That shit is hilarious.

Photos

2008-09-25T12:21:00.001-07:00

My friend April asked if I would do some

pictures with her for fun last Sunday.

She got a new camera and wanted to

try it out. These 4 she has on her blog,

and hopefully I will get the rest soon.

I'm aching to practice photoshop on some quality

pictures. It was a fun day, and she is a wonderful

photographer.

This century is making you miserable

2008-09-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

I am drowning in work right now, and personal
posts take quite a bit of time. Time I don't
have. So for now, I will post an article I read.
This is a wonderful article from, you guessed it,
Cracked.com
I really love this website, and I
generally spend my breaks reading there.

This is a long read, and there is some adult
language, as always. But I am posting it because
I think it is important for us and for our kids
to get off the goddamned internet, and make some
personal connections. I see a lot of kids on
cell phones and chat rooms, texting and video games.
And they are losing some valuable social skills.

Funny, as I post this on my blog.

7 Reasons the 21st Century is Making You Miserable

Scientists call it the Naked Photo Test, and it works like this: say a photo turns up of you nakedly doing something that would shame you and your family for generations. Bestiality, perhaps. Ask yourself how many people in your life you would trust with that photo. If you're like the rest of us, you probably have at most two.
Even more depressing, studies show that about one out of four people have no one they can confide in.

The average number of close friends we say we have is dropping fast, down dramatically in just the last 20 years. Why?

#1. We don't have enough annoying strangers in our lives.

That's not sarcasm. Annoyance is something you build up a tolerance to, like alcohol or a bad smell. The more we're able to edit the annoyance out of our lives, the less we're able to handle it.
The problem is we've built an awesome, sprawling web of technology meant purely to let us avoid annoying people. Do all your Christmas shopping online and avoid the fat lady ramming her cart into you at Target. Spend $5,000 on a home theater system so you can see movies on a big screen without a toddler kicking the back of your seat. Hell, rent the DVD's from Netflix and you don't even have to spend the 30 seconds with the confused kid working the register at Blockbuster.
Get stuck in the waiting room at the doctor? No way we're striking up a conversation with the smelly old man in the next seat. We'll plug the iPod into our ears and have a text conversation with a friend or play our DS. Filter that annoyance right out of our world.

Now that would be awesome if it were actually possible to keep all of the irritating shit out of your life. But, it's not. It never will be. As long as you have needs, you'll have to deal with people you can't stand from time to time. We're losing that skill, the one that lets us deal with strangers and tolerate their shrill voices and clunky senses of humor and body odor and squeaky shoes. So, what encounters you do have with the outside world, the world you can't control, make you want to go on a screaming crotch-punching spree.

Oh, yeah. Right in the crotch buddy

#2. We don't have enough annoying friends, either.

Lots of us were born into towns full of people we couldn't stand. As a kid, maybe you found yourself in an elementary school classroom, packed in with two dozen kids you did not choose and who shared none of your tastes or interests. Maybe you got beat up a lot.
But, you've grown up. And if you're, say, a huge DragonForce fan, you can go find their forum and meet a dozen people just like you. Or even better, start a private room with your favorite few and lock everybody else out. Say goodbye to the tedious, awkward, painful process of dealing with somebody who's truly different. That's another Old World inconvenience, like having to wash your clothes in a creek or wait for a raccoon to wander by the outhouse so you can wipe your ass with it.
The problem is that peacefully dealing with incompatible people is crucial to living in a society. In fact, if you think about it, peacefully dealing with people you can't stand is society. Just people with opposite tastes and conflicting personalities sharing space and cooperating, often through gritted teeth.
Fifty years ago, you had to sit in a crowded room to see a movie. You didn't get to choose; you either did that or you missed the movie. When you got a new car, everyone on the block came and stood in your yard to look it over. You can bet that some of those people were assholes.

Your parents, circa 1982

Yet, on the whole, people back then were apparently happier in their jobs and more satisfied with their lives. And get this: They had more friends.
That's right. Even though they had almost no ability to filter their peers according to common interests (hell, often you were just friends with the guy who happened to live next door), they still came up with more close friends than we have now-people they could trust.
It turns out, apparently, that after you get over that first irritation, after you shed your shell of "they listen to different music because they wouldn't understand mine" superiority, there's a sort of comfort in needing other people and being needed on a level beyond common interests. It turns out humans are social animals after all. And that ability to suffer fools, to tolerate annoyance, that's literally the one single thing that allows you to function in a world populated by other people who aren't you. Otherwise, you turn emo. Science has proven it.

#3. Texting is a shitty way to communicate.

I have this friend who uses the expression "No, thank you," in a sarcastic way. It means, "I'd rather be shot in the face." He puts a little ironic lilt on the last two words that lets you know. You ask, "Want to go see that new Rob Schneider movie?" And, he'll say, "No, thank you."
So one day we had this exchange via text:
Me: "Hey, do you want me to bring over that leftover chili I made?"

Him: "No, thank you"

That pissed me off. I'm proud of my chili. It takes four days to make it. I grind up the dried peppers myself; the meat is expensive, hand-tortured veal. And, now my offer to give him some is dismissed with his bitchy catchphrase?
I didn't speak to him for six months. He sent me a letter, I mailed it back, unread, with a dead rat packed inside.
It was my wife who finally ran into him and realized that the "No, thank you" he replied with was not meant to be sarcastic, but was a literal, "No, but thank you for offering." He had no room in his freezer, it turns out.

So did we really need a study to tell us that more than 40 percent of what you say in an e-mail is misunderstood? Well, they did one anyway.
How many of your friends have you only spoken with online? If 40 percent of your personality has gotten lost in the text transition, do these people even really know you? The people who dislike you via text, on message boards or chatrooms or whatever, is it because you're really incompatible? Or, is it because of the misunderstood 40 percent? And, what about the ones who like you?
Many of us try to make up that difference in sheer numbers, piling up six dozen friends on MySpace. But here's the problem ...

#4. Online company only makes us lonelier.

When someone speaks to you face-to-face, what percentage of the meaning is actually in the words, as opposed to the body language and tone of voice? Take a guess.
It's 7 percent. The other 93 percent is nonverbal, according to studies. No, I don't know how they arrived at that exact number. They have a machine or something. But we didn't need it. I mean, come on. Most of our humor is sarcasm, and sarcasm is just mismatching the words with the tone. Like my friend's "No, thank you."
You don't wait for a girl to verbally tell you she likes you. It's the sparkle in her eyes, her posture, the way she grabs your head and shoves your face into her boobs.
That's the crux of the problem. That human ability to absorb the moods of others through that kind of subconscious osmosis is crucial. Kids born without it are considered mentally handicapped. People who have lots of it are called "charismatic" and become movie stars and politicians. It's not what they say; it's this energy they put off that makes us feel good about ourselves.
When we're living in Text World, all that is stripped away. There's a weird side effect to it, too: absent a sense of the other person's mood, every line we read gets filtered through our own mood instead. The reason I read my friend's chili message as sarcastic was because I was in an irritable mood. In that state of mind, I was eager to be offended. And worse, if I do enough of my communicating this way, my mood never changes. After all, people keep saying nasty things to me! Of course I'm depressed! It's me against the world!
No, what I need is somebody to shake me by the shoulders and snap me out of it. Which leads us to No. 5 ...

#5. We don't get criticized enough.

Most of what sucks about not having close friends isn't the missed birthday parties or the sad, single-player games of ping pong with the wall. No, what sucks is the lack of real criticism.
In my time online I've been called "fag" approximately 104,165 times. I keep an Excel spreadsheet. I've also been called "asshole" and "cockweasel" and "fuckcamel" and "cuntwaffle" and "shitglutton" and "porksword" and "wangbasket" and "shitwhistle" and "thundercunt" and "fartminge" and "shitflannel" and "knobgoblin" and "boring."

And none of it mattered, because none of those people knew me well enough to really hit the target. I've been insulted lots, but I've been criticized very little. And don't ever confuse the two. An insult is just someone who hates you making a noise to indicate their hatred. A barking dog. Criticism is someone trying to help you, by telling you something about yourself that you were a little too comfortable not knowing.

Above: A flamboyant transvestite with about

five times as many friends as the average person

Tragically, there are now a whole lot of people who never have those conversations. The interventions, the brutal honesty, the, "you know, everybody's pissed off because of what you said last night, but nobody wants to say anything because they're afraid of you," sort of conversations. Those horrible, awkward, wrenchingly uncomfortable sessions that you can only have with someone who sees right to the center of you.
E-mail and texting are awesome tools for avoiding that level of honesty. With text, you can respond when you feel like it. You can measure your words. You can pick and choose which questions to answer. The person on the other end can't see your face, can't see you get nervous, can't detect when you're lying. You have almost total control and as a result that other person never sees past your armor, never sees you at your worst, never knows the embarrassing little things about yourself that you can't control. Gone are the common quirks, humiliations and vulnerabilities that real friendships are built on.
Browse around people's MySpace pages, look at the characters they create for themselves. If you've built a pool of friends via a blog, building yourself up as a misunderstood, mysterious Master of the Night, it's kind of hard to log on and talk about how you went to prom and got diarrhea out on the dance floor. You never get to really be yourself, and that's a very lonely feeling.
And, on top of all that ...

#6. We're victims of the Outrage Machine.

A whole lot of the people still reading this are saying, "Of course I'm depressed! People are starving! America has turned into Nazi Germany! My parents watch retarded television shows and talk about them for hours afterward! People are dying in meaningless wars all over the world!"
But how did we wind up with a more negative view of the world than our parents? Or grandparents? Back then, people didn't live as long and babies died more often. Diseases were more common. In those days, if your buddy moved away the only way to communicate was with pen and paper and a stamp. We have Iraq, but our parents had Vietnam (which killed 50 times more people) and their parents had World War 2 (which killed 1,000 times as many). Some of your grandparents grew up at a time when nobody had air conditioning. All of their parents grew up without it.
We are physically better off today in every possible way in which such things can be measured ... but you sure as hell wouldn't know that if you're getting your news online. Why?
Well, ask yourself: If some music site posts an article called, "Fall Out Boy is a Fine Band" and on the same day posts another one called, "Fall Out Boy is the Shittiest Fucking Band of the Last 100 Years, Say Experts," which do you think will get the most traffic? The second one wins in a blowout. Outrage manufactures word-of-mouth.
The news blogs many of you read? The people running them know the same thing. Every site is in a dogfight for traffic (even if they don't run ads, they still measure their success by the size of their audience) and so they carefully pick through the wires for the most inflammatory story possible. The other blogs start echoing the same story from the same point of view. If you want, you can surf all day and never swim out of the warm, stagnant waters of the "aren't those bastards evil" pool.

Actually, if you count the guy holding the camera, this man

statistically has more friends than most of us do.

Only in that climate could those silly 9/11 conspiracy theories come about (saying the Bush administration and the FDNY blew up the towers, and that the planes were holograms). To hear these people talk, every opposing politician is Hitler, and every election is the freaking apocalypse. All because it keeps you reading.

9/11 photos. Circled: Conspiracy

This wasn't as much a problem in the old days, of course. Some of us remember having only three channels on TV. That's right. Three. We're talking about the '80s here. So there was something unifying in the way we all sat down to watch the same news, all of it coming from the same point of view. Even if the point of view was retarded and wrong, even if some stories went criminally unreported, we at least all shared it.
That's over. There effectively is no "mass media" any more so, where before we disagreed because we saw the same news and interpreted it differently, now we disagree because we're seeing completely different freaking news. When we can't even agree on the basic facts, the differences become irreconcilable. That constant feeling of being at bitter odds with the rest of the world brings with it a tension that just builds and builds.
We humans used to have lots of natural ways to release that kind of angst. But these days...

#7. We feel worthless, because we actually are worth less.

There's one advantage to having mostly online friends, and it's one that nobody ever talks about: They demand less from you.
Sure, you emotionally support them, comfort them after a breakup, maybe even talk them out of a suicide. But knowing someone in meatspace adds a whole, long list of annoying demands. Wasting your whole afternoon helping them fix their computer. Going to funerals with them. Toting them around in your car every day after theirs gets repossessed by the bank. Having them show up unannounced when you were just settling in to watch the Dirty Jobs marathon on the Discovery channel, then mentioning how hungry they are until you finally give them half your sandwich.
You have so much more control in Instant Messenger, or on a forum, or in World of Warcraft.
The problem is you are hard-wired by evolution to need to do things for people. Everybody for the last five thousand years seemed to realize this and then we suddenly forgot it in the last few decades. We get suicidal teens and scramble to teach them self-esteem. Well, unfortunately, self-esteem and the ability to like yourself only come after you've done something that makes you likable. You can't bullshit yourself. If I think Todd over here is worthless for sitting in his room all day, drinking Pabst and playing video games one-handed because he's masturbating with the other one, what will I think of myself if I do the same thing?

You want to break out of that black tar pit of self-hatred? Brush the black hair out of your eyes, step away from the computer and buy a nice gift for someone you loathe. Send a card to your worst enemy. Make dinner for your mom and dad. Or just do something simple, with an tangible result. Go clean the leaves out of the gutter. Grow a damn plant.
It ain't rocket science; you are a social animal and thus you are born with little happiness hormones that are released into your bloodstream when you see a physical benefit to your actions. Think about all those teenagers in their dark rooms, glued to their PC's, turning every life problem into ridiculous melodrama. Why do they make those cuts on their arms? It's because making the pain-and subsequent healing-tangible releases endorphins they don't get otherwise. It's pain, but at least it's real.
That form of stress relief via mild discomfort used to be part of our daily lives, via our routine of hunting gazelles and gathering berries and climbing rocks and fighting bears. No more. This is why office jobs make so many of us miserable; we don't get any physical, tangible result from our work. But do construction out in the hot sun for two months, and for the rest of your life you can drive past a certain house and say, "Holy shit, I built that." Maybe that's why mass shootings are more common in offices than construction sites.
It's the kind of physical, dirt-under-your-nails satisfaction that you can only get by turning off the computer, going outdoors and re-connecting with the real world. That feeling, that "I built that" or "I grew that" or "I fed that guy" or "I made these pants" feeling, can't be matched by anything the internet has to offer.
Except, you know, this website.

Article via Cracked.com

Everyday is like Sunday

2008-09-06T09:46:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely busy at work lately,
so I haven't been able to update as much.
I will try to make this as short and as
sweet as possible.

First, I went swimming with Tiff and
Booth and the kids. The pools are going
to be closing, and swimming is much more
fun with youngsters.
So just some videos again of those
adorable kiddies.

Olivia pretending to sing in the car.

I started to dance in the car. This did
not make her happy.

Weston and Boston singing a dinosaur song I believe.
I might sound impatient, but the minute I get there
they are all talking to me at the same time, non-stop.

Okay, generally Sunday's are extremely boring
for me. I just sit and watch cartoons. I decided
last Sunday I didn't want to sit on my ass.
So I was going to spend it downtown. I really enjoy
going downtown and just wandering. I didn't feel like
begging anyone to come with me. So it was a day
to myself.

I started off at the library to get some books.
I usually just buy them, but I am broke as of late.
And it's been a long time since I've been to the
Salt Lake Library. It's such a beautiful builing.

Then I walked over to the City County Building.
This is my favorite building in Salt Lake.
I love the architecture.

As I was taking this picture, a homeless guy decided
he couldn't make it to the bushes quick enough, so
he just peed along the sidewalk on the way there.
Ahhh....downtown.

This picture turned out great. My little digital
camera did me proud. Click on it to get a better
look.

When you get close there are so many little details.
There are some gargoyles and creepy little faces
everywhere.

I decided I wanted lunch. I headed to Cafe Trangs,
which is my favorite Chinese restaurant. But they
didn't open until 4:00. So I opted to go to
PF Changs. I forgot how expensive it was. But
the Egg Drop Soup is the best I've ever had.

I had a lovely lunch with my new book I just
got from the library. Yes I did take a lame
picture of the table. I was not about to have
my waitress take a picture of me by myself.

So then I was off to the Broadway Centre Theater
to watch Hamlet 2. This and Tower Theater are the
only two where I can watch independant
films. I get my foreign film fix here.
This film was so hilarious, and Steve Coogan
is a comic genious. I had only seen him in
two other films: Tristram Shandy and Tropic Thunder.
Oh man, he is so great in this movie.

After the movie, I wanted to wander some more and
see some of lovely shops downtown. But the rain
and wind was not letting up, so I headed home.
It was a nice day, but I will say, it's always
nice to have someone to share it with.

My crazy family

2008-08-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to post some pics of my family
from my grandma's birthday party.

The birthday girl throwin' some gang signs.

I probably need to explain this. In my family, if anyone
sees that you have a hole in any of your clothing,
then it will be ripped and destroyed. And my cousin
found a tiny whole in my grandpa's shirt.

My cousin and his Jewfro

Grandma and Brooke - who will be 14 soon!

The boys

Olivia

I kept telling him to smile bigger

Weston will not make faces, he will only say cheese.

I spend the majority of the night telling Livie to do this!

And this..

and this...

and this.

Just a few videos of the kids.

I'd told him to smile bigger, and he would only say cheese louder.

I wish I were home.

2008-08-25T11:16:00.001-07:00

It is the official start of my week of mourning.
It didn't used to be a week of mourning, because it was
the week of Burning Man. My favorite place on earth to be.
I went there for four years starting back in 2000.
But this will be the fourth year in a row that I have not
been able to attend. I promised myself that I would be
there this year, no matter what the circumstances. But
unfortunately, with me moving, I could not afford
to go. So this week I will be moping and crying a lot.
In fact I am crying right now just even thinking about it.
Anyway, this will be an extremely long post. I was hoping to
come back from Burning Man next week and have a ton of
pictures, but instead I am just going to post some of
my favorite things from previous years. I am not really
going to attempt to explain what it is, as it
is something different to everyone that attends.
But to me it is an art festival in the middle of
the Black Rock Desert in Nevada. Some people think
it's a hippie festival, and it pretty much is.
But I love to go down there and see the art and
sculptures, and also I have met some of the nicest
people with the kindest hearts. It is also somewhat of a social
experiment. I won't get into that, as it is somewhat
complicated and my post is already miles long. If anyone
is interested in what it's all about I have a link
of the official website at the end. Which I'm sure none
of you are, So onto the pictures.

Some of my fondest memories are hanging inside the belly
of the Draka the Dragon with a group of rowdy girls
that called themselves The Desert Cowgirls.
They were actually welding this monster out
in the 100 degree weather.

Also there was the Death Guild. These people
completely dedicated their whole group to
imitating the world of Mad Max. Complete
with a Thunderdome. They were everywhere with
giant cars shooting fire, and motorcycles.
And they even dressed the part.

And one of my favorite memories is when walking across
the playa by myself (which is about a mile across),
a little Italian photographer asked if he could take
my picture with this very strange looking guy
in stiletto platforms. He took quite a few
pictures of me wandering the playa with this
guy hovering behind me with an umbrella.
I never got to see the group of pictures, but I did
end up finding one on the Burning Man website.
The picture to me is a very good visual representation
of what I love about Burning Man. Something
so random that seems very odd, turns out
actually quite breathtaking.
Anyway, I think I've posted quite enough.
*sigh*

Images viaBurningMan.com!

Baby Q-ing

2008-08-22T14:04:00.000-07:00

I'm a little late on posting about our little trip
to Millcreek. I have basically the same
pictures as everyone else, but oh well.

I always love hanging out with the homies.
I laugh so much, cause they are just a bunch
of weirdos. I'm not sure how it happened,
but I enjoyed singing TV sitcom songs around
the fire and munching on smores (this was the
first time I've ever had a smore and they
are delicious). It was so nice to see Tara
and Ralz and cute baby Drew. We hung out quite
a bit and I must say he is one of the cutest
babies ever.

The boys

Don't you love how everyone is being so friendly,
and Bird looks like he just happened upon some
campers and hopped in the picture.

The girls

Fun was had by all, the only thing missing to me was
Ryan and Steve. I miss Steve a lot, and if you any of you guys
ever talk to him, tell him he needs to get his ass
down here.

On a side not, I feel like maybe I have too much stuff
on my blog. I'm debating on taking the duck hunt down.
I enjoy playing it, but I have no way to know if
anyone else does. So if you like it, chime in and let me
know. Otherwise I will just get rid of it.

CRAP

2008-08-19T12:28:00.000-07:00

Things got serious on this end of
the blogosphere for while there. And
to be honest, I'm a little emotionally
exhausted. So I need to lighten things up
a bit. For all of you who don't know,
the boys back in high school introduced
me to a genius little film called Moron Movies.
They were very low budget skits

filmed and grouped together by Len Cella to

form one long...well....moron movie.

Here are some clips.

I don't think this is a bad recording, I remember
the actual movie looking this crappy. It was
followed up by the highly anticipated
sequal called...wait for it.

More Moron Movies!

These were so hilarious, in a moronic way (did you catch that?)

Anyway, to all of you ladies out there who look
at my blog, and who have married any of my boys.
Please make sure to show them this post.
It is of extreme importance.

Dogshit Production Presents

CRAP

A Len Cella Film
For People With Pisspoor Upbringing

Here is the preview

(Surprisingly, there is some nudity in this clip
and the sound is way off)

I'm going to send Len Cella a check,

and we need to get together and watch it.

Who is with me?

Holy shit, Len Cella has a Myspace page and he is 71 years old.

Charter for Compassion

2008-08-18T08:30:00.000-07:00

Okay, the responses to my previous post
surprised me quite a bit. I generally have no
problem posting things that might offend
anyone. And most of you guys know that.
I'm pretty sure I have posted some offensive
things in the past, and most everyone just
shrugs and says 'Well, that's just Teisha.'
Not so much on the last one. For some reason
this is a real hot button topic to a lot
of people. And I'm really sorry, but it
made me extremely sad. I've wanted to post
this video for a while now, but I never thought
that anyone would be interested. But I think
that it is the perfect time to put it up.
There are so many intelligent people out there
who can put into words what I can't. I really hope
you watch it, as it is 20 minutes long. But I found
it completely beautiful what this woman says.
So please please watch it.

This title is gay!

2008-08-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

There are some things that I come across on the internet
that I just have to share. This gentleman puts into
words what I can't on my own.
For those of you who are familiar to my blog,
you know who's blog you are reading. Those of you
who are new, I have some strong opinions about topics
that you might not agree with. I also have what
some religious types would call a 'blasphemous
sense of humor' So don't read it if you are
easily offended. Man, I'm done putting up disclaimers
folks. This is my goddamn blog!

To those to of you who haven’t read Ender’s Game by Orson Scott card, warning: two spoilers follow.
Spoiler 1: Your childhood was incomplete.
Spoiler 2: You know that part where Ender fights that kid Bonzo in the showers and kicks him so hard in the nuts that he kills him?
Well, Card basically did the same thing to logic and decency last week when he tried to convince the American Citizens in his thrall (myself once among them) to invoke their right of revolution and overthrow the government to stop gay marriage from being legalized.
That’s right, people. The Mormon guy who wrote all those books about the innocence of a child winning out over war and hatred wants us to raise arms against any queers who feel like expressing their love legally. I mean, I understand a devout Mormon having some issues with gayness, but when your brain tells you that it’s an important enough issue to divide the country in a bloody coup, it’s time to get a new brain.

I’m sure there’ll be a whole cavalcade of comments following this post pointing out the merits of homosexuality, its moral deficiency in the eyes of God, and stuff about boobies touching and wieners in butts. So I figured, rather than try to pre-emptively defuse the situation like I usually do, I’ll just say to hell with it and let you know how I really feel. If you totally disagree, feel free to comment, we can agree to disagree, and you can come back in a few days and read something funny I wrote about a celebrity pooping themselves.

HOW I REALLY FEEL:
Orson Scott Card, you are—and I say this with the reservation of someone who read Speaker for the Dead and wept on a city bus—the worst. I will never buy or read your books again, and I am withdrawing my membership from the Card Superfriends Fan Team and Party Brigade (Sorry, Chet and Dale).

The Mormon’s I’ve known (all lovely people) have always been particularly impervious to logic, but it’s all I’ve got so here I go. Mr. Card, you are as evil, and will one day be as reviled by any sane individual, as an 18th-century slave owner.

Let me explain. Throughout the history of America, and indeed in the course of any developing culture, the universal historical trend (with some notable, but temporary deviances) has been towards expanding rights for an expanding number of people. Women couldn’t vote, now they can. Blacks were treated like pack animals, now they get to live in the inner city and some of them own nice cars. The point is, PROGRESS.

There is no question, absolutely none at all, that you are fighting a battle you can’t win. In a hundred years, flamboyant gay guys will be getting married in fabulous dresses on your grave, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.

But worse, when that day finally comes, you will be classed with all those others who stood in the way of expanding rights and humanity: the Ku Klux Klan, Apartheid, the anonymous boardroom of fat men arguing about which secretary has the best ass. And if there’s any justice, even though I’ve no doubt you could fire off a response to this post that would be perfectly eloquent and arresting (in fact, you totally should…my hits would go through the roof), your work will be read only as a curiosity, a way to peek into the mind of a caveman. Or else by lovers of great fiction, who will have to read them, set them down, shrug, and say “well, that was super good, even if the guy was a Neanderthal Nazi.”

And really, what the hell does it matter to you if two hot lesbians want to settle down and be respectable (which isn’t the way I like my hot lesbians either, believe me)? Until such a time as they bring down your property values with raging lesbian drug orgies, you’ve got nothing legitimate to complain about, and even then, I’ll trade houses with you.

Nothing to complain about, that is, besides the so called “degradation” of the Biblical standard of marriage. Upon what are you basing that? A passage or two saying that God hates gays? You know, there’s also a lot of passages about stoning your children to death for disobedience, but I don’t see you cleaning your guns on that account.

Clearly you have taken it upon yourself to prioritize certain portions of the Bible. I am forced to ask then, why in the world would you choose to prioritize the relatively tiny portion about hating and oppressing your fellow men and women, instead of giving precedence to the mountain of passages espousing the virtues of love and compassion for all of God’s children? Or at least the hilarious parts about people having sex with gold statues (Ezekiel 16:17 NIV)?

What would Jesus do? If you can answer that question with anything other than “shower the world with endless love and understanding, then flip a wicked ollie on a flaming skateboard,” then you and I have a very different understanding of the man.

So get with fucking program and stop masking your own personal homophobia as a religious issue. It’s not. It’s a nothing issue that shouldn’t even be a question, and yet has been allowed to dominate the political landscape at a time when thousands of deaths around the world are crying out to be addressed.

You’ve spent your life imagining diverse races and cultures, and doing a hell of a good job. Yet your inability to imagine true love manifesting between two members of the same sex almost classifies you as retarded in my mind. It’s not even a moral issue. You’re just an idiot to me.

And not just an idiot. I’ve seen you in person, Orson. You’re fat. And rich. How about working on some of those deadly sins before throwing the first stone?

I know it’s pointless to ask you to change your mind; bigots armed with the intransigence of religion are rarely swayed. But hopefully some of those reading this post will be forewarned that Orson Scott Card has become a poison-spouting lunatic.

And in the interest of providing yet another argument for gay marriage being a non-issue, as well as some modicum of comedy, here’s a list of the gayest things about heterosexual marriage:
-It expects everyone to dress well and be on time.
-It involves a lot of lace, and at the end the guy cries sometimes.
-Unless something’s gone terribly wrong, no one is pregnant.
-Those tiny sausages they sometimes serve.
-There’s a big foofy cake, like the gays are always having.
-Unless I’m sorely mistaken, God’s got no problem with it.

credit to Cracked

Guess what time it is?

2008-08-08T16:14:00.000-07:00

....It's inspirational quote time.
My dear friend Heather seems to be in a funk.And generally I think quotes are pretty cheesy, but I think some are in order.Instead of posting them in her comments, I figure I will post them here for everyone to enjoy.

If you are not the lead sled dog, the world looks pretty much the same every day.

Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.

Life is better than death, I believe, if only because it is less boring and because it has fresh peaches in it.

Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.

Life isn't all beer and skittles.

I like life. It's something to do. Somewhere on this globe every 10 seconds there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Life is a cement trampoline.

Life is a progress from want to want, not from enjoyment to enjoyment.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

All I want is a little more than I'll ever get.

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance.

Defunkification complete.

Way to Normal

2008-08-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

I'm super excited! The new Ben Folds album is
coming out September 30. There are two
singles out, and they sound so great.

I was listening to the first single - Hiroshima,
and the tune sounded vaguely familiar.

(Wow, I just previewed the post to see that the video no

longer works, but the song still does.)

He played it at the show in SLC, but I recognized it
from something else. And then I realized a
while back I had posted a funny video of
Ben improvising a song from some dude
yelling incoherently in the audience.

Here's the video again.

I just thought it was pretty cool.
I wonder how the guy feels to know that he
inspired the tune to his new single.
Although the song talks about a completely different
experience. About Ben falling off the stage in Hiroshima.

Here's the other single, You Don't Know Me.
I already love this song, cause I'm also a fan
of Regina Spektor. This is a retarded video,
but it has the new song.

So anyway, I'm sure none of you interested.
But you should be, cause Ben rocks!

I'm really behind on my blogging, I still nee to post

about Millcreek with the homies. I'll

get to it eventually.

This....is American Idol!

2008-08-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I was so reluctant to post this
one. It is a little embarassing, as people
probably assume that I think I have a great
voice in order to audition for American
Idol. This is not the case. I think my
voice is okay, but I got some wonderful encouragement
from one particular person (sorry Bill, you are
being mentioned). He had a lot of confidence in
me, more so than I had in myself. But the main
reason I chose to go was for the experience.
How often does such amazing opportunites
come to Salt Lake. Also, I think this will
be a record for the longest post, so please
bear with me.

So the day started off pretty early.
Everyone was told to be at the Energy Solutions
Center at 5:00 am. Which meant I had to be up
at 3:00 am to get ready and drive down there.
I can't remember the last time I was up that early.
They said that people can't camp out, but
by the looks of things when we got there at
5 am on the dot, that rule didn't stick.

The view in front of us

The view behind

Needless to say, there were cameras everywhere.
There was every local morning news show there.
And a ton of official American Idol camera crews
and photographers.

I was kind of amazed and a little sad at how these people
knew how to find some more of the goofy people out there.
Not the people who are out for attention, but

people that think they are great but really are not.
I felt bad for the kid in the pic above, because

he thought it was the coolest thing to be interviewed
by the American Idol crew, but I'm sure he will be made
fun of if he makes it on tv. I encouraged him and told him
he gave a great interview.

I was right by the inside barrier so there was plenty of cameras
wandering. Bill was trying his best to hide from them,
but I think it was really difficult. There was quite
a commotion when Justin Guarini was wandering around
doing interviews. After he was done, the girls around
me were screaming for him, so he walked right in front
of me to get pictures with the fans.

I was literally ducking and dodging flashes left and right,
trying to stay out of everyones pictures. A girl grabbed my
camera and asked if I wanted a picture. Sure, why not.

We were in that line probably until 9:00. We finally started to move.
and just as we were getting close to the entrance, they decided
to have everyone do an about face and move toward a different
entrance. This meant that the end of the line was now the
front, and we were the back. We were probably in the line
for another hour and a half until we made it inside.

The view from my seats

When we walked into our sections, the crowd was
being led by a producer in our groups songs.
When you register, you are given two songs you
need to memorize. A song for the city, and then
there is one song for the entire season that every city will sing.

Our city song was Aint No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye,
and the season song was Get Ready by The Temptations.
If I never hear these songs again, it will be
way too effin soon.

After the songs, Ryan Seacrest came out and did some
promotionional stuff for the show with the audience.

Ryan Seacrest talking to a baby.

They had him do a few different things,
and you know how he starts all the shows.
'This...is American Idol!'

At one point, he decided say something about
Salt Lake City being called Happy Valley.
And everyone was trying to tell them they were
wrong. So we'll see if they use that one.

After all of this is done, it's about 12:00.
They finally get to the actual auditions.
Now, what a lot of people don't realize is
you don't actually audition in front of
Randy, Paula and Simon. This audition is
for a chance to audition in front of them.
What happens is they set up a bunch of
tables in the center of the arena, with a bunch
of producers at each table. Then they line you
up in fours, and you basically get about 15
seconds to impress them. If they don't like you,
they cut off your wristband, and send you straight
outside, where you cannot go back in. If they like
you, they give you a golden ticket and send you to sign
a bunch of release forms, and inform you when you
get to audition for the 3 judges. It's rumored that
will be in September.

Here is a picture of the chaos that ensued.

They started the auditions with the pregnant section
(yes, I was just as surprised to hear there was a whole
section of pregnant women) and it worked it's way around the
arena. I was lucky enough to only be one section away,
so I only had to wait about an hour and a half to audition.

Just a side note here - you could sometimes actually
hear some of the people singing. As I saw about
1500 people auditon before me, I saw only about
25-30 people get golden tickets. This was
extremely discouraging to watch, as I could hear
some of these amazing people singing, and getting
turned down.

So it was my turn, and I was getting a little
anxious. I had decided on a small section of a song.
I was told that they preferred upbeat, which was not
my strength. I'm more of a ballad person, or at least
I think I sound better that way.

Waiting to audition, and freaking out.

As I get closer to the table, I decide to
go with an upbeat song, and just try to have fun.
As I'm watching others auditons up close,
the producers are asking them 'What's your name,
and which song will you be singing?'
So when I get up to the table, I'm the first to
go. I ask her how she's doing, she says good.
And she just stares at me. I ask, 'Should I just
go?' And she kind of scoffs and says yeah.
I sing about 15 seconds, and I will say
my nerves got the best of me, and my voice cracked
the first few notes.

Here I am singing

Already, she isn't even looking at me.
She's just looking around. She tells me to stop, and the
other 3 in my group go. Without a moments thought,
she asks all of us up to the table and says,
'All of you did a great job, but unfortunately this
is the end of the road for you.' So, they cut off
my wristband and sent me packing.

If I could take back the last 30 minutes of the
whole experience, I could say it was a blast.
But it was a bit of a downer to see
how little interest these producers had in what
they were doing. I'm not saying I deserved to make it,
I'm just saying they made it less fun. In the end, I think I
would have had a better shot with Paula, Randy and Simon.
They seemed a lot less brutal compared to those awful
producers.

Preview post

2008-08-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

Since I don't have internet at home anymore,
I have to do all my posting at work.
I did not have any time to do the post I wanted,
so I just figure I'll give a little preview of what's
to come.

See if you can guess . I think there
are some hints in the picture.

I will see some of you guys tomorrow.

The Crush

2008-07-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

So, my last post, I gave some people a hard
time for their crush on Tim McGraw (I stand by
what I posted). My dear Heather posted a rebuttal
to my claims and also posted some other crushes.
I felt it was only fair to list mine, so everyone can
have their opportunity to even the playing field. So, here it goes.

The Nerd

I'm sure you are all aware of my adoration
for Mr. Folds. It is mainly his sense of humor
and his musical talent. And I'm a huge fan
of glasses.

Just thought I'd throw that in there...just cause.

The Dark Side

I'm a huge fan of Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor. Again it is mainly
the musical talent. But a lot of you know I'm a
goth at heart.

The Accent

Yes, Mr. 300 himself. I'm a sucker for an accent.
Especially if it's scottish. No I haven't seen
P.S. I Love You, and I never will. Damn chick flicks....

The Funny Men

I have consolidated the next 4 into one group.
They are all hilarious. Jack Black - in funny ass
movies such as High Fidelity, Orange County,
and part of the most badass rock duo in all history,
Tenacious D. Seth McFarlene - creator of Family Guy
and American Dad. Trey Parker and Matt Stone -
creators of South Park, Orgazmo, Baseketball,
Cannibal the Musical and so on. I love people
who can make me laugh.

And to end this list...

The Brains

Richard Dawkins is a British ethologist, evolutionary biologist
and popular science writer. He is also my hero for his
views on atheism, evolution, creationism and religion.
Yes, I know it's scary, but I'm giving you guys plenty
of ammunition here.

Honorable Mentions

Patrick Stewart

Billy Idol
Still lookin' good.

Okay, I really never intend for my posts to be so long.
But, I can't help myself. Either way...have at me ladies.

Comic Sans is a bitch!

2008-07-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

This is pure genius.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

MAILBOX!MAILBOX!

I really hate having to prove a point here on my blog,
but I cannot post pictures in the comments.
So - Heather and Tara - Tim McGraw is not hot.

Do you wonder why he wears that hat all the time?

Sexy?

Lookin' good.

Crap, now I have pictures of him all over my blog.
Curse you Tim McGraw!

I'm the goddamn Batman!

2008-07-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

The Dark Knight was incredible...

And I really wish that Heath Ledger
hadn't died. I could imagine him
starring in a movie based completely
around the Joker.

There is a lot of language in this gif,
and it is long, but completely hilarious.

I usually try to wait a few days to post
something new. Ya know, so you guys can catch up and
make your comments.
But I see so many funny and strange things on
the internets, and I must share them all
with you. So, from now on, just remember to
scroll down after the most recent post.
As I'm sure I will be posting daily.

The Whore Ride

2008-07-18T08:22:00.001-07:00

*After posting this and re-reading it, I figured
I would put a little disclaimer.
This post might be considered offensive
to any of you who are religious, or who
don't have a sense of humor.
I am an atheist and I have no shame.
End disclaimer*

To start it off, I am seriously excited about this.
So I am going to post it and get it out of the way.

Okay, there.

Just a small update. I am sure nothing anyone is
itching to here about. This is all an attempt
to help me remember everything, as my memory
is getting worse and worse (Jess- I do not remember
the conversation you mentioned in my previous
post. But I'm glad I was there for you).

So, I went to Lagoon last Sunday. I have not
been to Lagoon in 10 years. But my friend works
there, and it was also Employee Appreciation
day. So we got admission for 10 bucks. It was
also Catholic Day, but more on that later.

On the way there, we saw some crazy homeless
dude just losing it. He was yelling at
the sidewalk and jerking around. I tried
to get some video footage of it, but he stopped
before I could. So I will just post
this instead.

Things have changed quite a bit. There were loads of new rides.
The Flying Carpet is gone, which I must admit I was a little sad
about. They had the Samurai there intead, and it was not running.
We went on a few classics, and I made it on three of the newer
rides. I guess The Rocket isn't very new, but it was to me.
The Rocket and Wicked were spectacular rides. I love the feeling
of falling, and both gave you that sensation ten fold. We would have
made it on more rides, but after every ride we decided to
head back to our picnic area for a beer break
(Mojito beers are quite refreshing on a hot day).

Side note about Catholic Day. Okay, there were a few families
wandering the park with these handmade pro-choice
shirts on. These shirts had pictures of fetuses on them.
This didn't bother me so much, but they had all of their
small children wearing these same shirts.
I even saw a baby with a onesie (sp?) This is just a small
rant on religion, please take no offense. I
understand these are individuals and I do not blame the whole religion.
But these children have absolutely no idea what these shirts
mean. The parents are using their child for some propaganda
that they couldn't even begin to understand. Okay...
I am going to stop there, I almost went into some
territory where I might offend or hurt some friends.
If you guys want my opinion you can ask, I will move on.

I will add, I also saw this shirt-

I could not stop laughing. Again, apologies if I'm
offending anyone, but really?
Really you decided to spread the message of jesus
and catholicism with a cheesy shirt at Lagoon?
Do people think that if jesus really
existed, he would approve of such things?

I'm done apologizing.

So we went on the Whore Ride (named because Brandon kept
calling the Terror Ride - the Horror Ride, and it sounded
like the Whore Ride to me. I know, it's juvenile).
This ride gave me recurring nightmares as a child.
I always thought they were going to shut the ride down
with me in it, and then shut the whole park down.
The lady on the front opening and closing the shutters
sent shivers down my spine.

I completely forgot about the extremely creepy mural
painted on the front. I had a conversation with Monica,
because it seemed that the purpose was to have a collage
of a bunch of scary things. There's a creepy ape, a dragon,
some skeletons. But, I see this orangutan tucked in the back.
His arms look like they used to be holding something, but has
now dissappeared. Brandon told me he used to be holding a
banjo, but they removed it. Probably due to offending
the abundant amounts of white trash wandering the park.
But the park wasn't as concerned about the voodoo looking
African guy. I guess the guy who painted this mural
also decided that a black guy joined the ranks of
spooky things.

Click on the picture to get a larger view.

This post is a lot longer than I had expected.
Anyway, things I have learned from my Lagoon
trip. Candy cigarettes look more like joints now,
some catholics are retarded, homeless guys
are hilarious, and to the guy who painted that
mural - You're doing it wrong.

You're Doing it Wrong

Hey guys! Let's just talk about me for a minute.

2008-07-16T13:39:00.000-07:00

1. As a comment on my blog, leave a memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you know me a little or a lot, anything you remember! If we're only blogging friends, post a comment that is the most memorable for you.

2. Next, if you feel so inclined, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you leave a memory about me, I'll be sure to write one about you...!

GO!

Finally!

2008-07-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

One of my goals was to finish a drawing
I had started way back in November 2006.
I finished the face in about 3 hours.

Now, I have not taken art classes since
junior high. I do not have any sort of
technical background. I basically just
practiced my ass off. Not until I started
posting my work on DeviantArt did I really
understand I was using all the wrong materials.
So, when it comes to drawing, I feel like a
beginner. That was just a long side note.

So, I finished the face. Then I had to move
on to the hair. Now, let me just tell you.
I hate drawing hair, I've never really been that
great at it. And I'm never satisfied with the
outcome. So, I usually procrastinate when it comes
to the hair. In this particular picture I
managed to procrastinate for over a year and a
half. And last night I just decided I needed to
finish it so I can move on to another drawing.
I have been drawing since, but they were all
commissioned pictures for friends and family.
And I'm so excited I can say that I'm done, and
in general I am pleased with the outcome...except
for the hair ;)

Click on the image to get a larger view.
If you would like to take a look at some of my other
drawings, just follow this link -
Teishabug
My gallery is a little small, but a lot of pictures
I forgot to get scans of before I gave them away.

Essential Life Lesson #1: Over is Right, Under is Wrong

2008-07-10T12:42:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of currentconfig.com

As part of our ongoing effort here at Current Configuration to make your life not only better, but also 10% more crunchy, we’re offering you this first installment of what will be an ongoing series of Essential Life Lessons. Kicking off this series will be a critical but even-handed examination of a common misunderstanding that occurs in a realm of many misunderstandings: the bathroom.

Put simply, there is a right way to hang the toilet paper, and a wrong way. Read on to determine the status of your own roll.

Toilet paper has a natural curve, a way of being that lends itself to certain orientations on the toilet paper spool.* If handled with skill and knowledge, it can provide an abundance of both sanitation and comfort, quilted together in each square of pillowy ply. If handled with clumsy ignorance, or worse, carelessness, it will beset the user with pain, filth, and frustration. Don’t let it end this way, with you curled on the tile floor of the stall, weeping in frustration, covered in wasted papier de toilette. To convince you, we’ve created some diagrams, harnessing the power of SCIENCE, to demonstrate the natural benefits of the over hanging method. First, we examine the optimal viewing benefits of the over hanging method.

Below are examples of the helpful and fruitful over-hung method on the left and the annoying and detrimental under-hung method on the right.

Notice the dramatic difference in the amount of visible toilet paper. Ironically, it is the over-hung toilet paper that has both the most visible free sheetage and the least amount of sheetage free from the roll to do it. Now, this may not seem like a big deal on its own, but in these extra sheets lies your undoing. Observe.

We here at Current Configuration, for the purposes of ease and expediency, do the one-handed tear (okay, really, it’s just me, but bear with me, er, us). The one-handed tear is a quick maneuver that takes advantage of the perforated squares, allowing your bundle of toilet paper to be liberated with one quick swipe of the arm. This is the foundation of bathroom ease, the cottony bedrock on which enjoyment rests in the restrooms of many nations.

The one-handed tear relies on a quick and forceful motion directed either away from or towards the tear-er. The forces applied in this motion are great and, like the atom, are not to be trifled with. The natural curve of the over-hung method allows the roll to stand fast after a one-handed tear, but the under-hung method creates a calamitous tendency in the roll. This tendency can only lead to this:

Wasted paper, frustration, the destruction of our forests. While we realize that it is possible to execute a one-handed tear on an under-hung roll, this is a game of sanitary Russian roulette. You are bound to lose eventually, and there is no re-rolling an unwound toilet paper roll. The results will only cause you grief. Don’t let this happen to you. Restroom attendants, janitors, maids, facilities crews, and responsible toiletowners take note: Don’t use the under-hung method for your toilet paper rolls. It leads to the destruction of our precious resources and the pillars of civilization as we know it!

*Does that thing have a proper name?

I post this because of my work, and how irritating the toilet paper thingy is.
Not only is it always hung under, but it is so tight, that I barely pull on the thing, and it tears. So I get one square at a time. Hmmm...maybe that was done on purpose.

I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.

2008-07-01T08:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I went to fetish night at
Area 51. Monica and I were extremely
excited about this particular one, because
the theme was burlesque, and we love
burlesque. If you aren't sure what
burlesque is and are curious to find out,
follow the wiki. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burlesque
You will have to copy and paste the link.
For some reason links will not show on my page.

Some of the burlesque stars in it's heyday:

Lili St. Cyr

Gypsy Rose Lee

Sherry Britton

And of course - Miss Betty Page

More recently, Dita Von Teese has brought back this classic
form of entertainment and also brought back it's fashion.
She is the queen of burlesque today.

Aaannnnyway, there was supposed to be a performing
burlesque troupe, but it was nothing short of ridiculous.
They were basically belly dancers with top hats.
They not only had no clue what they were doing, but also
they didn't seem to have any idea about burlesque and
the tease. So that was dissapointing to say the least.
I tried to dress up the best I could. But my poor little
hat kept falling off. This is the only decent picture I got
with hat half way on.

So that was that.

One last thing. I am just going to call this now.
I need record of it, because I know this is going
to happen. And I love being right. Here it goes.

Heath Ledger will get a posthumous Oscar nomination for
The Dark Knight. I haven't seen the movie yet,
only trailers. But, mark my words....he will.

I'm so excited for this movie. *shimmies*
While we're on the subject, head on over
to cracked.com (one of my favorite websites)
for a hilarious article on who is the best
movie Batman ever.
http://www.cracked.com/article_15029_bat-battle-whos-best-movie-batman-ever.html
Copy and Paste y'all. You won't regret it.

I want to go back!

2008-06-24T13:30:00.000-07:00

Alright, here are the same pictures that everyone
else has, just slightly different. I tried really hard
not to be a fat ass. And I am telling
you right now, I'm rockin a double chin in every
single picture. Generally I would photoshop that
shit out. But it would be kinda gay to do that
on my pics, since everyone elses blog has it clear
as day. Also, there is red eye, but I'm to lazy
to fix that either. So, oh well. I had a lot of
fun seeing everyone...blah blah blah. You know the drill.
I wish I got more pictures with everyone -
Kelly, Amy, Pam and Katie. I love Tara
and I really missed her. It's so funny to
talk to her. I have a terrible memory, and
she tells reminds me about all the crazy stuff
we used to do. Moose told me about SWS, which
I totally forgot about. Man, us girls were so crazy.
It suck that the homies couldn't (or refused) to be
there. But I think we should plan something for when
Tara and Ralz come back to town. Oh man, I need to shut
up and get to the pics.

I love how Heather is cradling my head in this picture.
So motherly. (I don't care how much you thought you
used to be a brat, I always thought you were pretty badass.)

I was being spontaneous for the camera.

After the reunion, we were off to hick town.

And finally I headed off and met some friends at Area 51.
Yes, I still go there. And they were playing some
great music, so I danced until my feet could not
handle my hot shoes anymore.

Steph, Monica (who did my hair) and me at Area.

So let's see, what else... Miss Kelly - If you are reading this,
I think you rock for giving MSI a chance. But beware,
there is some pretty disturbing sexual content. I will
possibly try to find some more approriate songs, although
I don't think I will have much luck. Some other unknowns,
which I think are great.
Try out Tub Ring (they have a little bit of a Danny Elfman feel
to them)

The Birthday Massacre is great also. A little less random and a little more
goth.

Last, I've loved ohGr for quite some time. Kind of industrial synth-pop.
The video is kinda lame, but the song is rockin.

I hope you like them, if not...I dunno.

Oh, and Marci - get a blog dude!

The Kiddies

2008-06-21T10:33:00.001-07:00

I have some fun pictures and videos of Tiff's kids.
They are from when I went to help my
parents lay sod. Although I don't think
I was much help. That shit is heavy.

I think I will do another slide show, cause
I have lots of pics.

Here are some cute videos too.

I stole these from my sisters blog.
They are from her birthday party, and they are
pretty effin hilarious. I don't think I will
caption them. I will just let the pictures
speak for themselves. You must click on the
picture to see the larger view, or you might
miss some details.

All hail Hypnotoad

2008-06-20T08:11:00.001-07:00

I got tagged by Tara - cause she likes me more than
anyone else - right Tara....riiiggghht?
Okay so here I go

3 Things Tag

3 Joys
(surprisingly, this one was really hard)

1. My sisters kids
2. Going to the movies - love it
3. Sneaking Chili's chips and salsa into the theatre

3 Fears

1. Roller Skating
2. Ice Skating
3. Goats - have you taken a good look into their eyes? Pure evil

3 Goals

1. Get in shape (me too Tara)
2. Finish my drawing of Ginger Rogers
3. Get my shit together

3 Current Obsessions

1. Buying clothes (that hasn't changed in years)
2. Family Guy or Futurama (see title and picture)
3. Reading Chuck Palahniuk or Neil Gaiman books - I can't get enough

3 Surprising Facts About Me

1. I want to be an interior designer, I don't know if that's surprising
2. I'm pretty decent at drawing portraits, or so I've been told
3. I still wish I were a dancer

3 People I Tag

1. Tiff
2. Heather
3. Moose

GO!

Garfing...

2008-06-16T14:58:00.000-07:00

We did some garfing for Chasade's bachelorette party.
Well, everyone garfed and I took pictures. I took the garf
cart back and forth through I think about 6 groups
of people and I went through 5 cameras. All of which
at some point ran out of pictures or batteries. These
are the ones from my camera. I want to do one of those
slide show things that Tiff has on her website. Let me
see if I can hook that up....hang on a sec...

Okay, I did it. But there aren't captions, so use your
imaginations...ooooooohhhhh.

I'm a Frankenstein Girl

2008-06-16T11:27:00.000-07:00

Okay, so then I was off to the
Mindless Self Indulgence Concert.
This is my favorite band, and they
have not come to Salt Lake for about
3 years. So I was extremely excited
for this show. I would post some of
their music or a video, but most
of there music contains loads of
cussing and sexual content. I've tried
to keep my blog at least PG-13. Maybe I
can find one. Just a minute.....

...okay, I was really surprised to find
one that does not have any cussing.
So, if you are interested in my life at all
and my interests (I know you are) then you will
watch this video and enjoy it.

They aren't for everybody, but I've loved them for
...holy crap almost 10 years. The show was awesome.
I was up front for all the opening acts, but when
MSI came out, I had to get out of the way. So I
didn't see a whole lot. But it was still great
none the less. The first show I went to there
were probably only 50 people, but this show was
huge, and they still come out after the show and
sign autographs and take pictures. I got pictures
the last show with the whole band, but this year
Lyn-Z and Kitty didn't come out. The security were
being dicks and telling us to get out, but Jimmy
and Steve Righ? still came out and told the
security to STFU. So I got me some pics with the
guys and I can't wait til' I can see them play again.

Steve Righ? and my double chin

The singer Jimmy Urine - I do not know what is happening here.

Sex and Salt Lake City

2008-06-16T10:55:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm doing these one post at a time. I am way
backed up on pictures, and I know if I do one huge post,
everyone will skim through it. And ya know, I don't
appreciate skimmers. So I will start it off
with this short one. Some of the girls and I
decided to do a girls night out for the
Sex and the City premiere. I was super excited and
I've been waiting years for this. Just to say it
was an awesome movie. To anyone who hasn't followed the
show, I don't think it stands alone as a
good movie, it was kinda like one long episode.
But it was great, and I can't wait for the next.

We then went to Kristauffs Martini Bar where
it said they were having a Sex and the City
premiere party. We showed up to find all of two
balloon arrangements for said party. We were
quite amused and at one point I decided I wanted
to leave with the balloons, but I seemed to have
forgotten them when I left. It started out decent
enough. We had some themed martinis,
and basically made fun of one particular
old couple dancing. Eventually it got way too
crowded so we left. It was a lot of fun. Thanks
to Brandy, Monica, and Laura for coming out with me.
I meant to take a lot more pictures,
but I only ended up with one.

The Narrator

2008-06-10T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm just doing a quick post. I have a lot of pics
and some videos to post, but I need my thingy (you know,
that thingy that connects your camera to your computer)
so I can show them to the 5 or 6 of you that check mah blog.

So anyway....to the post!

This post is dedicated to Morgan Freeman. Maybe not so
much Morgan Freeman himself, but to his soothing voice.
As some of you know, Morgan Freeman played Red in
the critically acclaimed Shawshank Redemtion. This
movie is great, but it would have only been sub-par
if not for Morgan Freeman's narration.

As I thought about it, he has done quite a bit of voice over
and narration work. Here is a list:

A Raisin in the Sun (tv)
Million Dollar Baby - narrator and supporting actor
A Remarkable Promise
War of the Worlds
Slavery and the Making of America (tv mini-series)
"American Masters" - Clint Eastwood: Out of the Shadows (tv episode)
The Shawshank Redemption - narrator and actor
A Festival at Ford's (tv)
The Gospel at Colonus (tv)
March of the Pengiuns
The Hunting of the President

Here is a funny clip from Family Guy,
I couldn't find just the clip alone so watch to the
21 second mark.

Also he's played GOD. I do believe if there is a god,
I hope that it is the warm, wise and philisophical
voice of Morgan Freeman. I could imagine sitting by the
fire, curled up in a warm blanket with some hot cocoa.
Looking out the window over the snowy landscape. And
Morgan Freeman voice telling me about black history or
penguins or some shit. I would believe anything
that calming voice would tell me. Anyone could slip into
a soothing, hypnotic state. But with a voice like his, I
assume it comes with much responsibility. He could
misinform or downright lie about anything, and I wouldn't
question it. His narrating skills must only be used for
good.

And so, here's to you Morgan Freeman, and your soulful
voice. May it bring peace and harmony to this world.

Raise it, brotha!

2008-06-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

So, today I woke up and I was feeling pretty crappy.
I did not want to go to work at all. I got in the
car and stopped for gas (which will make anyone
feel much worse these days). I headed off, and I looked
in the car next to me, and this black dude is just
breakin it on down. I kinda giggled until he started
raisin' the roof. It was hilarious. And I figured,
if some guy can just raise the roof confidently,
about 5-7 years after he really should be, then life
can't be that crappy, right?

So anyway, thanks to everyone for the well wishes. It does
help to know I have such great friends.
I think maybe when I start to get down, I'm gonna raise the roof.

Oh, and this is for Tara and her boobies.

I was surprised that I still know all the words.

Zimmy

2008-05-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

I had to make the quick and sad decision to put
my baby Zim to sleep last night. It was the hardest decision
I've had to make in my entire life. He was perfectly fine yesterday,
and he went from okay to being in complete pain in the span
of about 2 hours. I miss him so
much already, he was my best friend and my baby.
And everyone always said what a cool cat he was. He was so
laid back and sweet. I honestly don't know what I'm
going to do without him.

I love you Poopy Butt Zimmerbee, and I miss you.

Don't be scared

2008-05-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

I have been practicing with the liquify tool in photoshop.
I 've been very discreet with my use, but I wanted to do something
fun and a little exagerrated. They are kinda creepy, and some
are better than others depending on the quality of the original
picture. You'll be able to tell because the eyes

look more cartoonish than others.

And Moose, if you read this, stop being gay and have
Ken take a good picture of you like I asked!

These are side by side comparisons. I think it's cooler to see
what I started with. Click on the pictures to get a better view.

Libby

Alexis

Monica

Laura

Here are some of me. I don't have the comparisons,
but you know what I look like.

So there you have it. I still have a lot of room for improvement.
My lines aren't exactly perfect. But they were a lot of fun.
And I'm sure I will do more in the future.

Movin up y'all

2008-05-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

It has been an exciting couple of weeks for me at my work.
I have gone from taking pictures in a warehouse with
a makeshift backdrop and a glorified heat lamp that I found,
to a full on photography set up. It has taken over a year
to convince my bosses of how much time and money they will
save on investing in a good set up. And I have finally gotten
what I needed. It was a good 5,000 dollar investment on
their part, but I'm positive that they will make the money
back in no time at all with the little time it is taking
me to get product through.

I wrote a huge thing about my job, and what I do. And how crappy
my setup used to be. But it was incredibly boring. So here's the
short of it.

This was the setup when I first started working here.

After that I was forced to find what I needed to be able to take pictures of clothing. So I setup in the warehouse and took pictures out there for a good 3 or 4 months. We moved to a new office where there was more room. I setup in my office and used my walls as a background. But there were so many shadows.
This is an image from when I was doing that.

The background is supposed to be completely white, so I had to go in photoshop and cut the background out. It doesn't seem like a huge task, but when you have 50 to 100 images to do a day, it was extremely time consuming. The product was coming in faster than I could get to it. So they had to hire people just to help me with backgrounds. All this time I am trying to explain to my bosses that it's not me that's slowing down the process time, it's the lack of professional equipment. But they didn't believe me until they brought Overstock's creative partners to meet with us. Overstock was completely surprised that we were able to move so much product through with my tiny setup. I got to go to Overstock and see how they were doing things there, and about a month later I have this.

It doesn't seem like much, but holy crap it is such a huge improvement from what I had.

And now my images look like this.

I am freaking out, because I don't have to cutout the backgrounds anymore. I just have to make sure the colors are exact and I am done. *shimmies*

And so rack of clothes like this one right herewould normally take me about a month to finish is now taking me about a week.

I just wanted to share this with someone cause it's just the coolest thing ever.
And that rack pictured above is what I'm supposed to be working on right now, and instead I'm blogging. So, off to work I go

It's true!

2008-05-21T16:43:00.001-07:00

I really don't know why I am posting this on my blog.
Maybe because I find it hilarious, and I'm sure I'm
the only one. Maybe I know if I don't have some sort
of record I will forget. I think it's both.

Anyway, I had a dream last night about Mr. Ben Folds.
I was just chillin at a huge concert, but for some reason
the audience wasn't really paying attention. And also,
for unknown reasons I am sitting next to Ben on his
piano bench. He is showing me a new song he is working on.
He's playing the melody and writing down notes on a paper.
He sings some of the lines, but I only remember one.
The line was 'I like Jesus dead beats.' Yeah, I dunno.

So, I'm listening and he's kind of looking to me for approval.
He says 'Well, what do you think?'
And I kinda give him this duh look. I tell him, 'Of course I like it."
I say, "Let me explain something to you -
If you were to climb up on your piano, pop a squat,
and take a giant shit on it...I would be swooning.'

I wake up after this dream, and I'm cracking up.
Because I know, that if I were ever actually in the
position to tell Ben Folds this, I wouldn't even hesitate.

So there ya go.

Here is the man improv-ing a whole song off of some dude yelling
in the audience. There is some NSFW (not safe for work) or
NSFK (not safe for kiddies) language.

Anti

2008-05-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

So, I talked to the Beebler today. He and I have been arguing back and forth on myspace about our high school reunion. The conversations go like this.

Me - So, you are going to the reunion. I am making you go.

Bboy - Nope

Me - Yeah, you have to go. Stop being so freakin' stubborn.

Bboy - I refuse to go.

Me - But I will be there, and that should be enough to want to go.

Bboy - I am absolutely not going.

Me - Why are you so anti?

Now we all know Bboy, he's stubborn, and anti-social. This came as no surprise to me he was not giving in. But, when I talked to him today, I figured that he was the only one who didn't want to go. But I guess it turns out that really no one is going. At least the people that I was really excited to see. Which was the homies. And none of the boys want to go. So I'm pretty bummed out right now. I miss the boys so much, and I know I haven't really done my part to keep in touch, and everyone has these wonderful crazy, busy lives. But, man I was really looking forward to seeing them. *sigh*

Boston's B-day

2008-05-04T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm beating my sister at posting this stuff. But it was
Boston's birthday on the 30th. So I just wanted to
share pics of those little cuties.

I was greeted at the door by this smiling face

Here's the birthday boy.

I made him pretend to blow out the candles cause I missed it. At least I didn't make him re-light them.

Weston enjoyed Boston's gift from me better than he did.

Olivia decided to add some finishing touches to the macaroni salad.

Booth wishes this was in his size.

The kiddies have inherited the 'I can't keep a straight face' gene from the Ahlstrom side.

This is what Weston does when I ask him what he's he is eating.

Auntie Teisha likes to encourage the funny faces.

Finally, the many faces of Olivia Sue

I can't figure out where she get's it from.

Rock this bitch!

2008-04-24T16:48:00.000-07:00

It's been an eventful couple of days. It was by dad's birthday on Saturday.
We went to Murray Eagles for a luau. So here's a few pictures of that.

My aunt Anissa and my dad

My mom acting tough.

Personal space would be nice.

Fighting over who loves each other more.

Where'd you think I got it from?

Don't worry Cyndi, she's a professional.

Keepin' it in the family since 1983.

So then I went to Ben Folds yesterday. I've been so effin excited for this show, I couldn't stands no mo. But it was a good show, although we could barely see and the sound was not great at Saltair. I took my parents for my dad's birthday, even though he'd never heard of him. They were definitely troopers. They'd never been to a general admission concert before, so I'm sure it wasn't the greatest for them. We waited in line for about 45 minutes. When we got there we headed straight for the beer in the 21 and older area which was upstairs. After about 2 hours of opening bands, Ben finally came out and rocked the bitch up. He's a piano playing fool. My parents said they enjoyed it, but they had a hard time hearing the words. And Bill was great and completely patient with the crowd, which usually isn't his thing.
After the show was over we waited in a horrendous line to get out, but I managed to sneak this little gem in before we left.

I'm not missing a tooth, my tongue is sticking out over it. And my camera has a crappy delay, hence the strange pose on his end. If you don't know who that is...then you are gay.

Corporal Cuddling

2008-04-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

Moose wants me to blog about my day to day life I guess.
But there really isn't a whole lot going on. I'm just working, and
then coming home and being lazy.

So I'm just going to post this video cause I thought it was hilarious.
I know my Grrr hates the cuddling, so it's a great form of punishment.

I'm getting super psyched to see Ben Folds though.
Eesh, I cannot wait! i know you guys won't watch these, but I don't care
So....here's a video of Ben
a-dooby doin what he does best.

And another one, this is one of my favorites.

Oh man, this one makes me cry everytime.

Yup, now I'm crying. Crap.
Let's add to the tears, shall we.
My favorite song that he's done, ever!

If you weren't a fan, you are now. I command it!

Photoshop

2008-04-13T10:57:00.000-07:00

So, I was playing around on the internet today, looking at my daily websites. And I came across this one:
http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/
It basically shows all the silly photoshop mistakes the media, newsprint and websites are making. I started thinking about how rare it is to find pictures anywhere these days without it being messed with. Especially women. It's sad how we are held up to these impossible standards. Standards that mostly don't even exist because of a lovely little program called photoshop. Women who are almost already perfect are being tweaked. Maybe take the waist in, or smooth a tiny wrinkle. It's pretty scary.
I know a lot of you ladies might be struggling with your bodies, or maybe you're starting to age. But I just wanted to show you some things that might make you feel a little better about yourselves.
So first up is a link to a websites of before and after pictures of celebrities.
http://www.hemmy.net/2007/05/25/celebrities-before-and-after-photoshop/
http://gossip.commongate.com/post/celebrities_without_photoshop

Here's a link to a campaign brought to you by a group called girl power.
http://demo.fb.se/e/girlpower/retouch/

These are links to a professional re-toucher. He has some great mouse-overs to show the before and after.
http://homepage.mac.com/gapodaca/digital/bikini/bikini1.html
http://homepage.mac.com/gapodaca/digital/blonde/blonde1.html

This is a video of an already young and pretty Hilary Duff getting the photoshop treatment.

The next video is showing you can completely transform someones body from overweight to skinny. The video is probably NSFW because of the outfit in the picture. So watch at home.

This is a great ad from Dove

Last, the pictures below are some examples of what I have done in photoshop. My boyfriend is learning photography, so when he brings pictures home, it's a perfect opportunity to practice my photoshop skills. I taught myself, so I am no where near the level of the videos above. But I consider myself intermediate.
Click on the pictures to get a better view.
These are basically cosmetic except for a few facial stucture changes. I love to re-do makeup.

These last ones are some of the more extreme pictures I've done. The first two I completely changed the shape of their faces. And the last is an example of taking away and adding elements to create a whole new picture.

So, there you have it. It's a long post to prove my point. But I just wanted to show you that when it comes to beauty, nothing is what it seems.

Hmmm....

2008-04-12T16:04:00.000-07:00

How the crap do I use this thing??

Let's see....

So, I had a big depressing first post. And I figure for some people that haven't seen or heard from me in a while, it wasn't the best way to introduce you on how my life has been.

I talked a little on my reasons for not wanting children. But I think I will just let this hilarious link below do the explaining for me.

Mom Vs. Son

I also had a disturbing little video posted, but I don't think I want to people to think I'm crazy just yet. So I will instead show this little gem.

Hopefully this one stays.