Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Check it out tonight!

Try to find the black guy

The Salt Lake City episode of American Idol will
be on tonight. And some of you remember that
I auditioned (yes, I know that is gay).

Don't expect to see me at all on the show,
as the only time a camera passed by me it
was on a track going pretty fast. But,
do expect to see a girl with a ventriliquist
dummy. She was the talk of the whole day.

I will be really interested to see if I will
recognize anyone that I met there. A lot of
people were convinced that they would make it.
But it was the most difficult auditions I have
ever seen. Most of the judges were not interested
at all.

Anyway, just reminding you to check it out.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Bloggess

So, I know I probably shouldn't be advertising
other blogs. Or maybe I don't want to because
I like to believe that my blog is the greatest,
and that the only reason I don't have more readers
is because it is way too rad for most people
to grasp. So rad in fact, you might have been warned
that unless you are prepared for the sheer
awesome of my blog, your head might ASPLODE!

Ennnnyways, my friend Laura passed a little
email my way and brought my attention to a
lovely little blog that has become
my new obsession. This blog is basically how mine
would look if I weren't so worried about my
grandma coming across it. Seriously this woman
blogs how I think on a daily basis. I actually might set up
a fake blog full of kittens and rainbows and
direct my grandma there just so if I felt like talking
about felching (do not google that, even if you are
slightly curious about it. Your computer will never
be the same.) I could. But I won't. Or...will...I? dun dun dun..

She even posted about that lion riding horseback.
Dirty minds think alike.

If you aren't sure you want to check her blog out.
I will give you a preview, and then you should
check out her blog anyway, regardless of what your
instincts tell you. Cause your instincts are crap.

I also came up with another idea to re-purpose used breast-pumps to suck dead kittens inside out because then…TA DA!…fur-lined mittens for homeless people. I told Kregg about it and he was all “That’s…weird” and I’m all “It’s weird that no one’s ever thought of it before. Because no one wants dead kittens or used breast-pumps so this way we’d be keeping them both out of the landfills and helping the homeless. It’s practically carbon zero!” Then Kregg mentioned something about PETA and firebombs and I was all ”I’d only use kittens that were already dead from non-communicable diseases, Kregg. I wouldn’t just go around haphazardly turning live kittens inside out. I’m not a monster, for God’s sake” and frankly I’m a little insulted I even had to clarify that. I’m doing this to help the homeless. Not for my own personal kitten-mitten collection. We live in Texas, y’all. I don’t even need mittens.

And I will take you from dead kitten mittens to another
cartoon version of myself. Seriously, I really must
have cartoon features, cause it's just getting ridiculous.
And by ridiculous, I mean awesome.

Monica and Brandon showed me Soul Caliber last night.
And there is basically a character that looks like
what I might if I lose about 30 pounds. Enjoy.

Monday, January 19, 2009


I just have to document this, because I thought it
was the coolest thing ever.

I'm watching Family Guy last night (I love love love this show)
and suddenly I am surprised to see this little treat.

Did you see that? That is the book The God Delusion by the
author Richard Dawkins. One of the most respected scientists
and atheists in the world. And you see that Brian
(one of my cartoon crushes...yes I have cartoon crushes)
and someone else reaching for the same copy of said book.

As you pan out,

you can see that the other person reaching for the book
is what appears to be a cartoon version of myself.

...okay, well I would like to think so. But her name
is Carolyn. We find out in this episode that Brian is an
atheist, and he falls in love with the red headed atheist
named Carolyn. Unfortunately Caroline hooks up with Cleveland.
But if it were cartoon me, I totally would've stayed with
Brian. I just think that is completely hilarious.

If anyone wants to watch the full epsiode, here ya go.
The whole episode is full of win.

Friday, January 16, 2009

You might be too, you just don't know it yet.

I am just letting you know that since everyone is pregnant
right now, I have decided that I will not be pregnant.
Some of you have been a little pushy,
'All the cool kids are doing it.'
Well, I don't respond to peer pressure, and I
generally don't like to be part of the trends.

I am a trendsetter...

That being said, getting pregnant is like so 2 years ago.

Congrats to all fiddy of you who are part of the pregnany trend.

"Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, "What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!"
Stephen Wright

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Catchin' up.

As I'm sure you all know, I have a hard time
posting anything that's time consuming because
I have to do it at work. So I am going to quickly
post some pictures of a few events from the
past months.

Here is Halloween this year. I was the Queen of Hearts.

And here are some random pics of me and my
soul sistah, Monica. I don't know how we haven't
been friends until now, because we have almost
everything in common (except for her love of
Cher and Justin Timberlake and my love for Billy Joel).
But luckily I have her now. Or at least until she has kids. She knows
I won't be friends with her when she has kids.

Here we are on New Years. She had an Old Hollywood theme party.
We don't usually get good pics of us together, cause we
are always goofing off. So you are seeing a rarity my friends.

I still have more pictures that I haven't even put on my
computer yet. And hopefully it won't be too long before
I post them.